Thursday, December 13, 2007

winter whinederland

I know it’s against the spirit of the season and all that jazz, but I gotta get a few things off my chest.

My pillowy, pillowy chest.

First off, since when is it acceptable to say “Whoops!” instead of “Excuse me” or “Sorry”? I’m so sick of people banging into me at work or Target or wherever and then saying “Whoops!” “Whoops” is fine IF AND ONLY IF followed by “Excuse me” or “Sorry”. “Whoops” by itself, as an apology, is not okay.

Second, my eternal pet peeve: stores that have their OPEN sign on when they are clearly not open at all. I drove past a Jiffy Lube last night at 10:30PM, and their neon OPEN sign was lit. Bitches, you ain’t open! Don’t lie to me! What if I wanted to get an oil change at 10:30 at night, and I was all “Oooh, Jiffy Lube is still open!” and then pulled into the parking lot only to discover that their doors were locked? (Not that this would ever happen, mind. For one thing, I hope I would notice that the other lights were off; for another, I would never go to Jiffy Lube again because their incompetence cost me a radiator.)

Third, who thought mint macaroons would be a good idea? We had an employee appreciation meeting yesterday, and the powers that be brought in several trays of holiday cookies. Now, I actually like coconut, as opposed to just about everyone I know; one friend described coconut as having the texture of a hangnail. But mint and coconut together? Blech.

Fourth, Giggles is out for the second day in a row. This may be my fault, though, because I was just thinking the other day that her attendance record was surprisingly clean as of late. I hope she gets diarrhea while wearing white pants in the middle of a crowded supermarket.

And finally, what happened to that global warming I've heard so much about? It's fucking COLD out! I don’t pay the monetary equivalent of a black market body organ for rent just to turn on the heater first thing in the morning. I got up today and the thermostat said it was 40 degrees in my place! I'm about to take a can of hairspray, go outside, and just spray it upwards towards the sun. Sorry, polar bears; sorry, ozone layer; sorry, Al Gore. Mama can't pay no big electric bills this winter.

Don’t get me wrong, though; things are mostly awesome, so here’s some cheese to go with my whine.

I was going to buy a PSP for the sole purpose of playing Silent Hill Origins, which has gotten surprisingly good reviews (including one from Kelly Not My Roommate, who is also a major fangirl and whose opinion I trust completely on all things survival horror). But now it turns out they’re going to port it to the PS2 and it may be released as early as March 2008. Huzzah!

It’s almost Christmas! True, it doesn’t hold any religious significance to me, seeing as I’m an agnostic, but I still love the season (and, yes, the loot). G and I are going back to New Jersey to spend the holidays with his family. This is awesome for two reasons: I love his family and I love his mother’s cooking. I mean, I LOVE his mother’s cooking. Her cheesecake is one of my five favorite desserts of all time, and you know I take my desserts seriously.

Plus Madre and Padre have friends who throw a themed New Year’s Eve bash every year; you may recall my 2005 trauma when the theme turned out to be clowns. Anyway, they don’t usually disclose the theme ahead of time, but they’ve made an exception this year so that people can dress appropriately.

The theme? “Black and White Bizarre”, which means we have to dress completely in black and/or white, and the weirder the better. I have a perfect ensemble in mind, and let’s just say I hope there’s a prize for best outfit, because I intend to WIN that shit.