the last 10 movies I didn't finish watching, pt. 3

This feature was popular the last two times I did it, so here it is again.  As the title states, this is a list of the last 10 movies I didn't finish watching (according to my Netflix account history) and why they didn't cut the mustard.

Disclaimer:  Just because a movie shows up on here doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad movie.  I always try to give a movie at least 20-30 minutes to hook me, but my attention span has gotten grievously short as I've gotten older, so some of these may have gotten shorter shrift than usual.  If there's a movie you see on here that you enjoyed and think I gave up on too quickly, please feel free to argue a case for it.

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1. Alex Cross:  In this movie based on James Patterson's popular character, Alex Cross (Tyler Perry, thankfully skipping the Madea fatsuit that made him famous) tries to track down a scarily gaunt serial killer played by Matthew "Jack from Lost" Fox.

Here's something you need to know about G:  he is a notorious completionist, and something has to be MAJORLY shitty for him to give up on it.  About 30 minutes in, we mutually agreed to eject the DVD and watch Game of Thrones instead, which is a solid life choice for pretty much any situation but especially when Alex Cross is your other option.  It was like somebody ran the script through software that added a cliche every two minutes.  (At one point, G said "Now it's personal!" in a booming voice and oh we did laugh and laugh.)  And although Matthew Fox turns in a decently creepy performance, everybody else sucked.

2. Norman:  A perfectly healthy teenage boy tells everybody that he has terminal cancer.  Why?  Because it's an indie movie that wants to be deep and edgy and merely succeeds in making you hate the everloving shit out of everybody in it.

3. L!fe Happens:  A woman (Krysten Ritter) instantly hits it off with a hunky dude, but she conveniently forgets to mention that she has a baby.  Oopsie!  Annoying characters + bad decisions + the !ncred!bly !rr!tat!ng decision to use an exclamation point instead of an "I" in the title = back to Netflix you go.

4. The Bay:  A parasite infects a seaside town during its 4th of July celebration.  Oh noes!  I stopped watching this due to lots of shaky cam (which usually leads to me barfing) and craptacular performances.  The parasite, which looks like a giant mutated albino pillbug, is pretty nasty looking, though.

5. Cosmopolis:  Robert Pattinson plays a Wall Street gazillionaire who gets stuck in traffic during Occupy Wall Street protests.  At one point he receives a prostate exam in his limo, which would be preferable to watching this movie from beginning to end.

6. LolliLove:  In this mockumentary starring Jenna Fischer and then-husband James Gunn (director of the awesomely gross Slither) play a yuppie couple who decide the best way to help the homeless is to give them lollipops with inspirational wrappers.  The satire falls flatter than a slab of stale matzoh.

7. All Superheroes Must Die:  Four superheroes are stripped of their powers by a villain who forces them to undergo several challenges with deadly consequences if they fail.  Interesting premise, excruciatingly bad execution.  About the only enjoyable part was watching the dude who plays Harry on Dexter chomp through the scenery like a termite on meth.  This is another movie that even G gave up on.

8. That's What She Said:  A foul, vulgar "comedy" about unappealing women doing obnoxious things.  One of them has a yeast infection, which is appropriate because this is the cinematic equivalent.

9. The Guilt Trip:  Barbra Streisand trades Yentl for yenta in this shrill comedy that plays on all the worst stereotypes of a Jewish mother.  She accompanies her son (Seth Rogen) on a road trip; hijinks ensue.  If you've ever desperately wanted to see Barbra Streisand plow through an enormous steak, well, that's weird but here you go.  I ain't gonna say a word; I read Hannigram slash fics, for chrissakes.  (And if you didn't have to google that term, YOU CANNOT JUDGE ME OKAY.)

10. Burning Bright:  Briana "Yes My Dad Is Greg" Evigan plays a young woman whose asshole stepfather cleans out her bank account and uses it to buy a tiger.  Then a hurricane hits and traps her and her autistic little brother in the house with the tiger, who's seriously salted.  It was okay, but after the billionth shot of Briana (I can't remember her character's name) tremulously peering around a corner, I was like "okay this is getting old" and left it on in the background while I played yet another round of Tri Peaks, the mystifyingly addictive solitaire game that came preloaded on my new laptop.  I did look up again when SPOILER ALERT the tiger made a tasty meal of Asshole Stepfather, but then it was over and I was all yay.

media update: April

So what's the haps?  April was a pretty uneventful month for me overall, although I did have two encounters that touched my geek heart.

First off, XBOX Live was offering free gold membership for a weekend, so G and I went online in hopes that we could find somebody to play the co-op sections of Dead Space 3 with us.  We immediately found a dude who wanted to team up so he could unlock some achievements, and he let us play as Carver.  It was my first time playing with a total stranger, and it went about as smoothly as I could have hoped:  no comments like "LOL pwned you [insert homophobic slur here]", no standing idly by as a necromorph ripped us apart, generous sharing of his inventory.  The Carver-only parts were creepy and cool, but if you can't or don't want to go online to play them, you're not missing much.  Still, I'm glad we got to do it; thanks to our partner (whose gamer tag I'm forgetting, but it had 420 in it, which probably explains his mellow nature) for making the loss of my XBOX Live virginity so pleasant and painless. 

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: COOL BRO 

And on Saturday, G and I went to Red Robin for dinner, and I was wearing my Teddie (from Persona 4) shirt.  When we stood up to leave, the kid in the booth behind G, who was probably 14 or 15, leaped up and joyfully said, "Oh my god, oh my god!  Every day's great at your Junes!", which is a quote from the game.  Then he gave me a fist bump.  It was truly bizarre but also really awesome, and I'm glad G got to see it because I doubt he would have believed me otherwise!

Anyway, on to the media update!  Asterisks denote something I particularly enjoyed or found especially worthy of my time; your mileage may vary.

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FICTION

1. You Know What You Have to Do by Bonnie Shimko:  One of the blurbs on Amazon said this book was "Judy Blume meets Dexter", so it went on my Kindle pronto.  Maggie is a teenage girl who hears a voice in her head that tells her to kill people.  At first her victims are people who deserve it, like her friend's abusive father, but then the voice gets less picky and she struggles to ignore it.  The writing was very simplistic, and it didn't live up to that promising blurb.

2. Reconstructing Amelia by Kimberly McCreight:  Kate is devastated when her teenage daughter Amelia jumps to her death from the roof of her private school.  But when Kate receives an anonymous text telling her that Amelia didn't jump, she begins digging deeper and opens up a particularly ugly can of worms...some of which belong to her.  It didn't resolve as well as I would have liked, but it was decent.

3. Sad Desk Salad by Jessica Grose:  Alex works as a blogger for Chick Habit, a snarky website aimed at women that's very obviously based on Jezebel, where the author used to work.  She gets a huge scoop when an incriminating video of a conservative author's daughter arrives in her inbox.  Alex is morally conflicted about posting the video, especially since an anti-Chick Habit website has threatened to expose some of HER dirty little secrets if she does.  Decidedly meh.

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NONFICTION

1. Where the Peacocks Sing by Alison Singh Gee:  The author was living a glamorous life in Hong Kong when she met and fell in love with a fellow journalist named Ajay.  She got excited when she found out that Ajay's family owned a palace in India, but it turned out to be much different than she expected.  It's an interesting look at culture shock, but I really didn't like the author at all.  She redeems herself somewhat by the end of the book, but I still thought she came across as spoiled and unsympathetic.  I'm sure she's very nice in real life; in print, not so much.

2. The Still Point of the Turning World by Emily Rapp:  The author's world was turned upside down when her son Ronan was diagnosed with Tay-Sachs disease, which causes rapid degeneration and is always fatal, usually before the child turns 3.  There are some really profound meditations on grief in this book, but as you can imagine, it's almost unbearably sad.

3. Gulp* by Mary Roach:  The queen of weird science turns her attention to the alimentary canal, covering everything from fecal transplants to the bouillon enema Lenten loophole.  (Oh, I ain't spoiling that for you.)  Roach is by far my favorite nonfiction writer, and she serves up another awesomely icky, hysterically funny, and informative tome.

Side note: Chip Kidd is my favorite book cover designer (after G, of course), but I really hate the one he did for this book.  It looks like a deep throat manual!

4. Go Big or Go Home* by Kat Von D:  The tattoo artist muses about life, love, and art.  The essays, though interesting, aren't what made me give this book a star; it was the gorgeous photographs of her work throughout.  Say what you will about her personal life, but her talent is undeniable.  I would love to get this tattoo from her:

 

It would be like a secret nerd handshake!  Anybody who recognized it would instantly be my friend.

I wouldn't want the solid black background, just the burned edges, which would look absolutely awesome.  But it would probably cost a fortune and hurt like hell, plus I'm not planning on getting any more tattoos.

5. Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls by David Sedaris:  A collection of humorous essays, my favorite of which was "Memory Laps", about a classmate Sedaris' father kept raving over.

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MANGA/GRAPHIC NOVELS

1. 7 Miles A Second by David Wojnarowicz, James Romberger, and Marguerite Van Cook

2. Avatar: The Last Airbender - The Search* by Gene Luen Yang and Gurihiru

3. Rin-Ne vol. 11 by Rumiko Takahashi

4. Library Wars vol. 9 by Kiiro Yumi

5. Girl Friends* vol. 2 (final volume) by Milk Morinaga

6. Castle Mango* by Muku Ogura and Narise Konohara

7. Batwoman: To Drown the World by J.H. Williams III, W. Haden Blackman, and Amy Reeder

8. Arisa vol. 10 by Natsumi Ando

9. The New Deadwardians by Dan Abnett and I.N.J. Culbard

10. The Executor by Jon Evans and Andrea Mutti

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MOVIES

1. John Dies at the End*:  This is one of those movies that's damn near impossible to describe.  Basically, there's a new street drug called Soy Sauce that has some very strange side effects, but there's a whole lot more to it than that.  I've seen some really weird movies in my time, and trust me, this is one of the weirdest.  Destined to become a cult classic.

2. Red Dawn:  In this remake of the 1984 movie that I probably saw about a hundred times on HBO, North Korea (Russians in the original) invades the US, and a group of teenagers decides to take down the enemy and reclaim their home.  Loud and jingoistic, but it has a few decent moments.

3. The Master:  After serving in WWII, Freddie (Joaquin Phoenix) is a drunken, lecherous, angry mess.  He meets Lancaster Dodd (Philip Seymour Hoffman), the leader of a new religion, and begins to think there may be hope for him after all.  Depressing and pretentious.

Side note:  On the IMDB message boards, somebody said "If you didn't like this movie the first time, please watch it again and you might change your mind" and G and I were all LOL no.  It's like somebody saying "Oh, you didn't like that nail-studded dog turd you just ate?  Try another one, maybe you'll like it this time!"  But at least a nail-studded dog turd wouldn't take 2 hours and 17 minutes to eat.

4. Bully:  A documentary about bullying in American schools that will pretty much rip your heart out and make you angry as hell.  I couldn't believe the moronic assistant principal whose reaction to a concerned parent was "Oh, it would break my heart if my beautiful grandbaby was bullied!  Look at my beautiful grandbaby!" and then showed them a picture.  Yes, that will comfort the mother who came to you about her son being CHOKED on a school bus, you clueless fucking twat.  That, plus a couple of other scenes showing her complete ineptitude, make me hope to god she got fired after this came out.

5. Django Unchained*:  In Quentin Tarantino's spaghetti western (heavy on the sauce), Django is a freed slave desperately searching for his wife.  He's joined on his journey by a bounty hunter (the always excellent Christoph Waltz, who won his second Oscar for the role).  Lots of fun, and there's a scene with a racist posse bitching about their hoods that had me on the ground. 

6. Les Miserables:  Based on the Broadway smash, this retelling of Victor Hugo's classic follows Jean Valjean during the French Revolution as he tries to escape a policeman who has a vendetta against him.  It was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long, but it was decent enough, and Anne Hathaway absolutely kills "I Dreamed a Dream".

Oh, one thing that bugged me:

***SMALL SPOILER***

When Marius fell in love with Cosette after seeing her for all of five seconds.  Dude, you've got Eponine all aching to get up on that ginger dick, and she's been your BFF forever AND she looks way androgynous hot in her revolutionary garb.  Forget that bland blondie and look to your right!

***END SMALL SPOILER***

7. The Impossible*:  Maria and Henry (Oscar nominee Naomi Watts and Ewan McGregor) are vacationing in Thailand with their three sons when a tsunami hits.  Maria and her oldest son Lucas are separated from the others, and they desperately try to find the rest of their family.  Based on a true story, this movie is extremely difficult to watch at times, but the performances are well worth it.  Be warned, though, you will need Kleenex and lots of it.  The Impossible is about 120 minutes long and, no exaggeration, I cried for about 90 of them.

8. Iron Man: Rise of the Technovore:  After his friend Rhodie (aka War Machine) is badly injured, Tony Stark tries to track down the creepy dude who hurt him.  Gorgeous animation by Madhouse, but the story is just meh.

9. This Is 40*:  Pete and Debbie (Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann) try to deal with turning 40, which coincides with family drama and money issues.  By turns hysterically funny and painfully realistic, and it gets bonus points for the well earned dig at Lost's ending.

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VIDEO GAME OF THE MONTH

(Note:  we also played the DLC chapter, which I can't name due to a spoiler in the title.  It wasn't bad, but we didn't think it was worth the extra seven bucks.) 

When concept art for DmC: Devil May Cry was released last year, people went absolutely batshit...and not in a good way.  The Dante that we know and love from the first four games is a silver haired fox with cool style and snarky quips; the new Dante looked like a dour little emo bitch.  Personally I didn't see any reason to reboot the series, but it's more of a prequel than a reboot, and it's awesome. 

At the beginning of the game, Dante is recovering from a hard night of drinking and sexy times.  Then he gets a knock on his trailer door, and when he answers, this happens (start at 1:07):

So why's that monster all up in Dante's grill?  Well, Dante is nephilim, which means he's the son of a demon and an angel and has incredible power.  Kat, the young woman in the clip above, is a psychic who works with his brother Vergil in hopes of bringing down the demon lord Mundus.  At first Dante is like LOL whatever, but when he finds out that Mundus murdered his mother, Dante decides to help.

DEVIL MAY CHEER

• Dante is pretty fucking cool.  He starts off as a total smirky douche, but although he retains his smartass nature throughout the game, he does develop as a character.
• I'm not a huge DMC fangirl; I did play and enjoy the first game in the series, but never tried the others.  G, however, has played all of them, and he said this is his second favorite.  (DMC3 takes top honors.)  I think the purists who dismissed this game without even playing a minute of it really need to get over their preconceptions and give it a whirl.  They might be pleasantly surprised.
• Insane action.  After finishing the game, my wrists hurt for two days!
• Super tight and responsive controls.
• Unique level designs and one of the most bizarre bosses I've seen since D2's vagina supercomputer.
• Excellent soundtrack ranging from Akira Yamaoka-esque moody tunes to hard driving metal.
• There's a fair bit of platforming in this game, and it's pretty cool.  I especially liked swinging through the air using my angel or devil hook.
• I appreciated the fact that they didn't totally sexualize Kat, the main female character.  Sure, she's showing a little cleavage and wearing shorts, but as evidenced by the clip above, you see WAY more of Dante.  Plus Kat's clothes aren't over the top and she's not just eye candy.  She proves to be an extremely valuable ally, and her motivation for taking up Dante and Vergil's cause is very interesting.
• Overall, the voice acting is pretty good.  It's not Red Dead Redemption or anything, but I don't remember anything truly awful.

DEVIL MAY CRINGE

• Refer back to the comment I made about my wrists hurting for two days.  I don't play a lot of hack and slash games, so that's probably the issue, but ow!  (There is an easy difficulty, but we played on normal.)
• Occasionally you'd get into a clusterfuck of a fight on a very small platform, and if an enemy knocked you off, it meant restarting the fight, which was annoying.  (Though to be fair, it didn't count as a death in your end chapter stats and it only knocked a bit of your health bar off.)
• The facial animations aren't always the greatest.
• A few glitches, including one during a boss fight where the boss slumped over and I proceeded to furiously hack away.  Then G noticed that its health bar wasn't going down and it wasn't reacting to my attacks, so I had to jump off the platform and die in order to restart the fight, which was frustrating.

This is not a game for prudes (the dirty mouth on that luscious boy!) or people with carpal tunnel syndrome.  But if you're willing to overlook a few flaws for the chance to beat the ever lovin' crap out of hundreds upon hundreds of demons and monsters, DmC will more than satisfy your bloodlust.

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ADDED TO MY IPOD

1. "Summer Kisses, Winter Tears" by Julee Cruise

2. "The Adversary" by Crime & the City Solution

3. "Fretless" by R.E.M.

4. "Days" by Elvis Costello

5. "Death's Door" by Depeche Mode

6. "Calling All Angels" by Jane Siberry and k.d. lang

7. "Until the End of the World" by U2

8. "Lilith's Club" by Noisia

9. "Off to the Races" by Lana Del Rey

10. "Blue Jeans" by Lana Del Rey

11. "Diet Mountain Dew" by Lana Del Rey

12. "Dark Paradise" by Lana Del Rey

13. "Million Dollar Man" by Lana Del Rey

14. "Summertime Sadness" by Lana Del Rey

15. "This Is What Makes Us Girls" by Lana Del Rey

16. "Without You" by Lana Del Rey

17. "Lucky Ones" by Lana Del Rey

18. "Blue Velvet" by Lana Del Rey

19. Twin Peaks soundtrack

20. "Hataraki Man" by Puffy

21. "Never Surrender" by Combichrist

book nerdery

ADVISORY TO G-VO:  Skip #8 and #10, since you might read those books at some point.

A blog buddy recently wrote an entry in which he talked about how he discovered his favorite books, and I'm shamelessly stealing his idea.  Just try and prosecute me, bro!

I'll start with a brief synopsis of the book and then talk about how I discovered it.  Aside from the first book on this list, these aren't in preferential order.

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1. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria Mc Cann:  Yeah, yeah, I push this book on everyone, but there’s a reason for that.  It’s about Jacob Cullen, a disturbed young man who flees home and winds up joining Cromwell’s army, where he becomes obsessed with a fellow soldier named Ferris.  Sumptuous descriptions, vivid characterizations, some scorchingly erotic scenes, and an emotionally devastating climax all add up to make this the best book I’ve ever read, which is really saying something considering just how MUCH I read.  What astounds me the most about this novel is that even though Jacob does some truly horrible things, I still cared about him and I honestly wanted him to be happy.  I reread this book once a year and it still gets me every time.

The way I discovered this book is pretty embarrassing, but I love you so I'll tell you anyway.  I was seriously obsessed with the Lord of the Rings movies, and I spent an inordinate amount of time looking at Aragorn/Legolas slashfic.  (My current fave slash couple is Tony Stark and Bruce Banner, aka the Science Bros.  Mark Ruffalo, upon hearing about this pairing, had a completely awesome response to it, thus validating the crush I've had on him since You Can Count on Me.)  I was reading a LiveJournal entry by one of my favorite A/L writers, and she asked what everybody's favorite gay themed book was.  Somebody recommended As Meat Loves Salt, and it sounded interesting, so I got it from the library and was instantly hooked.  I remember reading it in the break room at work, and I got to a particularly important part near the end, but I had to return to my desk.  But I absolutely couldn't concentrate, so I hid the book in a huge stack of folders and pretended that I had to run to the copy room.  Instead, I hid in a bathroom stall and finished the last 25 or so pages.  When I was done, I just sat there for another ten minutes, completely drained.  (I mean emotionally, though I'm sure I did take at least one whiz as long as I was sitting there.)  I reread it every year and it still gets me every single time.

2. The End of Alice by A.M. Homes:  A jailed pedophile starts getting letters from a young woman who shares similar compulsions, and their correspondence causes him to look back on the events that put him behind bars.  You don’t find out the full extent of his crimes until the last few chapters, and to put it mildly, it’s a doozy.  This is one of the most disturbing, uncomfortable books I’ve ever read, yet it still makes my top ten.  Why?  Because the writing, when it’s not splashing about in Grand Guignol excesses, is almost lyrically beautiful.  I didn’t read Lolita until long after I’d read The End of Alice, but Nabokov’s influence (puns, taking delight in the way certain words sound and fit together) is clear. 

I was still living in Minnesota when I discovered this book in the new fiction section of the library.  I was sitting in the recliner reading it, my cat Sprite snoozing on my lap, and I exclaimed in horror at one particular scene, scaring the fuck out of Sprite and getting a thighful of claws for my rudeness.

3. The Devil of Nanking by Mo Hayder:  A troubled young woman, obsessed with the Japanese atrocities committed against the Chinese during the Rape of Nanking, goes to Tokyo in search of an elderly Nanking survivor.  She makes some dangerous friends and even more dangerous enemies, all of whom are determined to get their hands on a mysterious elixir.  I don’t usually get frightened by books, but there are some scenes in this one that literally made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.  However, anyone who dismisses this as just another thriller is sorely mistaken, because the ending packs a powerhouse punch that left me in tears.  (Note:  Outside of the North American market, this book is published under its original title, Tokyo, which is craptacular because it sounds more like a travel guide.)

I'd read Mo Hayder's previous books, Birdman and The Treatment, before reading this one, so she was already an established favorite of mine.  I can't wait for Poppet, which comes out next month.

4. The Green Mile by Stephen King:  In 1935, an enormous black man named John Coffey is brought to death row after being convicted of raping and killing two little girls.  A prison guard named Paul Edgecombe starts to suspect that John is innocent after witnessing what can only be described as miracles.

I’ll admit that part of the reason I love this book so much stems from the circumstances under which I first read it.  Stephen King decided to publish it in serial form, releasing a volume (each one consisting of about 100-150 pages) every month until it was finished.  My mom and I, both longtime King fans, eagerly awaited each new release, and I can still remember our outraged screams over one major cliffhanger.  Anyway, that’s not the only reason I love this book; I also love it for its rich characters and its exploration of miracles both big and small.  It’s true that Stephen King has written more than his fair share of tripe over the years, but this is an example of what he can produce when he really puts his mind to it.

5. Dark Hollow by John Connolly:  This is the first book of Connolly’s that I read, and it remains my favorite.  Charlie Parker, the private investigator who’s the central character in almost all of Connolly’s novels, is asked to find a woman’s ex-husband and get him to pay child support.  But then the woman and her little boy are killed, and Charlie, who lost his wife and daughter to a vicious murderer, is determined to track down the culprit.  He’s assisted in his quest by his friends Louis and Angel, two morally ambiguous and decidedly gay hitmen, who get some priceless dialogue.  It’s a riveting thriller, dark and sad at its core, but not without redemption. 

Shortly after moving back to California, I was visiting the library near work and noticed this on the shelf.  After reading the inside cover, I checked it out and was very damn glad I did.

6. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling:  I was a latecomer to the whole Harry Potter phenomenon, but a friend insisted that I would love the books, so I grudgingly picked the first one up...and I didn’t put it down, except to pee, until I was finished. 

7. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling:  My favorite of the series so far, thanks to its unbeatable combination of magic, mayhem, tragedy, humor, and adolescent angst.  Of course, I picked this up because I was already a fan by that point.

8. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn:  On her wedding anniversary, Amy Dunne disappears, and her husband Nick is suspected of having some part in it.  That's all I'm going to say about it.

I was already a fan of Flynn's; her debut novel Sharp Objects was one of my ten favorite books of all time until this one replaced it in my affections.  Dark Places is also excellent.  Goddamn it, Gillian Flynn, y u so talented?!?

9. The Crimson Petal and the White by Michel Faber:  Set in 19th century England, this book follows a young prostitute named Sugar as she struggles to survive and then finds herself the paid plaything of a wealthy man.  This sprawling novel took the author twenty years to research and write, and it shows; the descriptions are gorgeous, and my attention never wavered, even though the book is almost one thousand pages long.

I don't remember for certain, but I think I was driven to read this by a positive review in Entertainment Weekly, which is where I get most of my book and movie recommendations. 

10. Swamplandia! by Karen Russell:  Ava Bigtree is having a really rough adolescence:  her mother dies, her family's tacky alligator tourist attraction begins to go under, and her father and brother defect to the mainland in search of other employment.  Ava is left alone in the swamp with dozens of alligators and her dreamy older sister Ossie, who believes she can communicate with ghosts.  When Ossie disappears, leaving behind a note in which she claims to have eloped with one of the ghosts, Ava sets out on a perilous journey to rescue her.  Filled with gorgeous descriptions and thought-provoking lines, I couldn't stop thinking about it long after I'd finished it.  I'd never read anything quite like it before, and I doubt I ever will again.  One caveat: be sure to have a dictionary (or dictionary.com) handy while reading.  I pride myself on having a decent vocabulary, and I came across at least a dozen words I didn't know.

This was another Entertainment Weekly recommendation.  It was also nominated for a Pulitzer, but they wound up not awarding a fiction prize in 2012.

media update: March

Asterisks denote something I particularly enjoyed or found especially worthy of my time; your mileage may vary.

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FICTION

1. Fuse* by Julianna Baggott:  Because this is the second installment of the Pure Trilogy, I can't give it a proper review without spoiling things from the first book.  I'll just say it's really fucking great and leave it at that.

2. Vampires in the Lemon Grove* by Karen Russell:  I'm not generally a big fan of short stories, but I made a rare exception for this because it's by the author of Swamplandia!, one of my 10 favorite novels of all time.  It's a collection of 8 stories heavily steeped in magical realism.  My favorite by far was "The Graveless Doll of Eric Mutis", a heartbreaking and eerie story which reminded me of "The Body" (which later became Stand by Me, but the original story is a bit darker) by Stephen King.

3. Requiem by Lauren Oliver:  This is the final book in the Delirium trilogy, which means---you guessed it!---that I can't give it a proper review without spoiling the other two books.  I wasn't super thrilled with the way it wrapped up, but overall it was okay.

4. The Madman's Daughter by Megan Shepherd:  Juliet is a teenage girl trying to fend for herself in London.  But when she's forced to flee, she heads to a tropical island where her estranged father is living.  Of course, there's a catch: her father is Dr. Moreau, and the island is populated by his dangerous creations.  Not starworthy, but a fun read.

5. Hikikomori and the Rental Sister by Jeff Backhaus:  After the death of his son, Thomas locks himself in his bedroom for three years, only emerging late at night to buy groceries.  His desperate wife hires Megumi, a young Japanese woman with some personal experience in dealing with hikikomori (hard to describe; you can read more about the phenomenon here), to try to coax Thomas out of his room once and for all.  The writing is a bit choppy, but I liked it fine.

6. Heart Like Mine by Amy Hatvany:  Shortly after Grace gets engaged to her boyfriend Victor, his ex-wife dies.  Grace, who never wanted kids, has to learn how to deal with Victor's two traumatized children.  Melodramatic and too pseudo-Picoult for my tastes.

Speaking of Jodi Picoult, I started reading The Storyteller and instantly stopped when somebody discovered the face of Jesus in a loaf of bread.  That, coupled with a character who only spoke in haiku, tipped my NOPE-ometer into the red zone.

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NONFICTION

1. With or Without You* by Domenica Ruta:  In this memoir, the author writes about growing up with her mother Kathi, a charismatic alcoholic and drug addict who veered between doting on her daughter and treating her like garbage.  Searingly honest and beautifully written; I give it my highest recommendation.

2. Fresh Off the Boat by Eddie Huang:  The author talks about growing up Chinese-American, his troubled adolescence, and his eventual rise to fame as the proprietor of hot NYC restaurant Baohaus.  There were a lot of long passages about sports/rap/sneakers that I skimmed, but the rest of it was decent.

3. Her* by Christa Parravani:  In this memoir, the author tries to unpack the life of her twin sister Cara, who died of an overdose at the age of 28, and describes how she had to reinvent herself because she didn't know who she was without Cara.  She writes, "To see the world apart from her was to be there only by half."  Wonderfully written, but almost unbearably sad.

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MANGA/GRAPHIC NOVELS

1. Fables vol. 18 by Bill Willingham, Mark Buckingham, Steve Leialoha, and Gene Ha

2. Batgirl: Knightfall Descends by Gail Simone, Ardian Syaf, and Ed Benes

3. Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service vol. 13 by Eiji Otsuka and Housui Yamazaki

4. Otodama: Voice from the Dead by Youka Nitta

5. 21st Century Boys vol. 2 (final volume; it also wraps up 20th Century Boys) by Naoki Urasawa

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MOVIES

1. Samsara:  A documentary of daily life around the world, ranging from a Buddhist monk creating a gorgeous sand mandala to Thai bar dancers.  There's no dialogue at all, so you can easily fast forward through the stuff that doesn't interest you.  But it's visually stunning, and I think it's destined to become a stoner classic.  Warning:  some disturbing sequences involving animals and a nightmare fuel performance artist.  (Cue the aforementioned fast forward button.)

2. Batman: The Dark Knight Returns Pt. 2:  Based on the classic Frank Miller graphic novel, this follows an older Bruce Wayne as he reassumes the Batman mantle.  Suffers from lackluster animation (aside from some nice fight choreography) and voice acting, but the story is good.

3. Silent Hill: Revelation*:  Heather Mason has always been told by her father that she must never go to Silent Hill, no matter what.  But when he disappears, she descends into a nightmarish world to save him. 

Unless you're already a Silent Hill fan, don't bother with this movie.  But because they stayed so true to the visuals and had the good sense to use Akira Yamaoka's incredible music, and they included so many nods to the games (G caught a SH: Downpour reference that I didn't; I was so ashamed!) I had to give it a star.  Gotta say, though, that it was weird seeing Kit "Jon Snow" Harington and Sean "Ned Stark" Bean in the same movie together. 

4. For a Good Time, Call...:  Two women nursing a mutual grudge are forced by financial circumstances to move in together.  But when they begin a successful phone sex line out of their apartment, their animosity starts to thaw.  There's a surprisingly sweet core under all the raunchy humor, and I liked it quite a bit.

5. Hide and Seek:  Oh look, another horror movie in which a cat gets killed!  How EDGY.  Christ, can a fucking cat show up in a horror movie without a) being the cause of a cheap jump scare and/or b) getting killed?  Seriously, have you ever seen a cat in a horror movie that didn't fulfill at least one of those criteria?

(And yes, I already ranted about this last month.  But it KEEPS HAPPENING.)   

Anyway, a psychologist (Robert De Niro) moves his traumatized daughter Emily (Dakota Fanning) to the countryside after his wife commits suicide.  Almost immediately, Emily makes an imaginary friend named Charlie.  But Charlie doesn't much care for her father, and he might not be so imaginary after all.  About halfway through, I thought "wait a second, I think I had this movie spoiled for me when it first came out" and I was right.  But it was okay, aside from the aforementioned cat killing. 

6. Wreck-It Ralph*:  Ralph is a video game villain who wants to be a good guy, so he ventures out of his own game into other ones in hopes of fulfilling that quest.  But in the process, he unintentionally endangers the entire arcade.  A funny valentine to retro gaming.

7. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 2:  Oh, Lee Pace, my darling.  I don't want to begrudge you a paycheck, but why are you in this thing?

Anyway, the schmaltzy love story of a sparkly vampire and the most boring woman in the world finally draws to a close.  It's got corny dialogue, terrible acting, and an awful CGI baby (G: "She and the E-trade kid should hook up"), but it was a bit of a guilty pleasure.

8. This Must Be the Place:  In this slow and deeply odd movie, Sean Penn plays Cheyenne, a retired rock star (think Robert Smith with a voice like Salad Fingers) who tracks down the man who humiliated his father at Auschwitz.  I can't say as I enjoyed it all that much, but it certainly was different.

9. The Sessions*:  Confined to an iron lung since childhood, poet Mark O'Brien longs to lose his virginity, and a sex surrogate steps in to help.  It kind of sounds like a romcom, but it's based on a true story.  I have no idea how John Hawkes didn't get nominated for an Oscar, though; not only is it the kind of role that the Academy loves, but he's really freakin' good.  Helen Hunt, who did get a nomination for her role as the surrogate, is excellent as well.

10. Argo*:  When Iranian militants storm the American embassy and take hostages, six people manage to escape and take refuge at the Canadian ambassador's home.  Back in the US, a CIA agent (Ben Affleck, who also directed) concocts an outrageous plan:  get them out of the country by pretending they're Canadians working on a film shoot.  Astoundingly enough, this is based on a true story that was declassified by President Clinton in 1997. 

Argo won the Best Picture Oscar this year, and although I liked Life of Pi more, I'm not angry this won.  It's tense and exciting (although I think they took some creative liberties near the end), and definitely worth a watch.  Plus Alan Arkin and John Goodman, as the film producer and makeup artist who agree to help, are hysterical. 

11. Rise of the Guardians:  Jack Frost (who looks like a Final Fantasy bishonen) is pretty cheesed that kids don't believe in him.  But when boogeyman Pitch starts causing trouble, Jack bands together with Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Sandman, and the Tooth Fairy to stop him.  Beautiful animation, but the story was just okay. 

12. Zero Dark Thirty*:  A retelling of the manhunt for Osama bin Laden that's almost painfully suspenseful at times, even though we obviously know how it turned out.  I had to keep reminding myself to breathe during the last ten or so minutes.

13. Bachelorette:  Reagan (Kirsten Dunst) is bitter when her friend Becky (Rebel Wilson, playing the only sympathetic character in the bunch) becomes the first of their high school clique to get engaged.  She agrees to serve as maid of honor, but the position comes with some unexpected headaches.  It's sort of a darker Bridesmaids, though nowhere near as funny or endearing.

14. The Man with the Iron Fists:  A blacksmith working in China gets entangled in a clan battle, and with the help of a raunchy Brit (Russell Crowe) and a cool madam (Lucy Liu), he decides to take them down.  Waaaaaaaaaay too much wire work for my liking, but there's some gorgeous set design and a few good lines.

15. End of Watch*:  Two LAPD officers working in South Central put themselves in grave danger when they piss off a drug cartel.  Excellent performances by Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Pena and some gruelingly intense scenes elevate this a notch above most cop thrillers.

Side note:  There's a lot of shaky cam in this movie, which usually makes me throw up, but it was usually followed by a calmer scene, which helped settle my system.  So if you're similarly afflicted, you can probably watch this movie safely aside from one fight and some running scenes.  (I closed my eyes during those.)

16. Killing Them Softly:  After two inept criminals hold up a card game run by mobsters, a hitman (Brad Pitt) is dispatched to wipe them out.  Good performances, but the allegories are forced and it wasn't as good as I'd been led to believe.

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VIDEO GAME OF THE MONTH

(Note: we also played the DLC chapter called "Awakened", but I can't get into specifics about it because it spoils the shit out of DS3.  I'll just say that it's worth the extra $10.)

Dead Space 2 is one of my 10 favorite video games of all time, and the first one was damn good too.  Needless to say, I bought Dead Space 3 as soon as it came out because I was itchin' to plow through some necromorphs.

In DS3, which takes place 3 years after the events of DS2, you once again assume the role of space engineer Isaac Clarke.  He and Ellie became romantically involved after DS2, but they split up and now she's canoodling with a total douche.  But as much as Isaac would like to nurse his broken heart in peace, the Unitologists are up to their old tricks again, activating Markers and causing another necromorph outbreak.  Isaac reluctantly takes up arms again in hopes of ending things once and for all.

DEAD RIGHT

Uniformly good voice acting aside from one notable problem that I'll address in due time.

Gorgeous graphics and brilliant music/sound design.

Isaac's locator, which is used by clicking the right joystick, is still the best mapping system of all time. 

There are some really tense moments, and those horrifying bird monsters (who make the MOST HIDEOUS NOISE I'VE EVER HEARD) make a repeat appearance.  I swear to Christ, those fuckers are neck and neck with the stabby children from the first Silent Hill as my most traumatizing video game enemy.

You now have "scavenger bots" at your disposal, which are cute lobster-looking machines that search for scrap metal to use for new weapons.

It's just plain fun, and it will make you feel like a total badass.  If I may boast for a moment:  at one point I had swarms of monsters coming at me from both sides.  Turn to the left:  BOOM, take out the legs of a necromorph and stasis the dudes behind him to slow them down.  Turn to the right:  BAM, do the same on that side.  Return to the first guy and finish him off, swivel back to the right seamlessly and blow the other guy away, then clean up the stragglers, all in the course of maybe 20 seconds.  Even G was impressed, and G is a total OG (original gamer).  That's right, I serve up pipin' hot beatdowns like IHOP, no syrup, 'cause ain't nothing sweet 'round here when I'm popping caps in monster ass, you feel me?

DEAD WRONG

The other female character (whose name I forgot) sounds way too much like Ellie, which made it confusing as to who was speaking if we weren't in the same room with them or they weren't facing the camera at the time.

This might not be a negative for you---it certainly wasn't for G---but the new weapon crafting system is complicated as fuck.  Whenever I reached a bench, I just passed the controller off to G so he could make us a bitchin' new weapon.  (For the record, you can't go wrong with the shotgun, especially if you use fire coating on your bullets.)

It's not as scary as DS2, and there are no indelible "set pieces" like DS2's nursery or auditorium.  The DLC has some pretty freaky scenes, but again, not as memorable as DS2.

I can't believe I'm going to complain about this, but they were TOO generous with the health and ammo drops.  Lots of people were angry when it was announced that DS3 would use microtransactions (i.e. pay real money to download ammo packs and weapon parts), but trust me, you ain't gonna need to spend any real money, especially since all weapons now use the same type of ammo.  My safe was full to bursting by the end with excess ammo and healing.  This unfortunately took a bit of the tension out of the game. 

And finally, my biggest complaint of all:  no offline co-op.  G and I were seriously salted when we found this out, because we were looking forward to playing DS3 together.  Boo to you for this obnoxious omission, EA.  Booooooooooooooooooooooo.

Although Dead Space 3 pales in comparison to its lofty predecessor, it's still a worthy addition to the series.  I don't know why it got such shitty reviews, but in my opinion, you can ignore them.  Load up your line gun and get to dismembering!

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ADDED TO MY IPOD

1. Dial-A-Song (full album) by They Might Be Giants

2. "Sugar Rush" by AKB48

when the stewardess is near, do not show any fear

Stolen from [Search Results], the brotha who will smother your mother and make your sista think he love her.  (She will get the reference.  Perhaps you will too...IF YOU'RE COOL LIKE US.)

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What’s one thing you have worked very hard to overcome?

I almost said "shyness" here, but I haven't tried to overcome it very hard at all.  It's been a barrier to a lot of things in my life, but it's also served as an excellent filter, because the people who patiently chipped through my shell almost invariably proved to be friends of the highest quality.

So let's see...I guess I would have to say that I've worked very hard to stop giving a shit what other people think about me.  Obviously there are exceptions; I care about what G thinks about me, and my friends and family, and I have to care what my boss thinks about me, of course.  But if some random stranger in the car next to me gives me side eye because they caught me singing along to the radio?  Or if a coworker quirks an eyebrow when they see me taking a whole blueberry muffin (gasp!) off the treat table instead of painstakingly slicing it into four pieces and then taking the smallest one and shaking it to release any errant caloriffic crumbs?  Well, frankly, I don't give a fuck.

Life's too goddamn short.  Sing to the radio, eat the whole fucking muffin, stop caring about what total randos think about you.  It's not easy, and I do relapse every once in a while ("That woman in the next stall over knows I'm pooping!  I AM A MONSTER"), but it's so worth it.

Name at least one in each category: A book, a movie and a musical group/musician you secretly, negatively judge others for not liking and/or not knowing about.

BOOK:  As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann.  I know several people who have read this and been all "meh", including G and my honorary brother-in-law, and they're generally awesome people so I won't judge them.  But it's my favorite book ever and I've read it at least five times all the way through and my god, it utterly destroys me every.  Single.  Fucking.  Time.  If I ever win the lottery, I will commission Maria McCann to write a sequel, or even just a short story with the same character(s). 

MOVIE:  The Fall.  One of the most gorgeous movies I've ever seen, acted to perfection by Lee Pace and Catinca Untaru, life affirming and heartbreaking and just oh my god please see it now if you haven't already. 

GROUP/MUSICIAN:  Sparks (as evidenced by the entry title) and Magnetic Fields.

What made you believe or not believe in God?

I had been wavering in my faith for a long time before my mom got sick, but her long debilitating illness and death completely wiped it out because I could not and did not want to believe in any god that would allow a beautiful, loving woman like that suffer so greatly.  And believe me, I wanted to believe that she went to a better place where she would be rewarded for her pain with kittens and babies to cuddle and long slow dances with young Elvis, but I was there when she died and...well, I don't want to talk about it anymore.  Still too raw, almost 16 years later.

Describe the most beautiful sight you’ve ever seen.

Walking through Kyoto under the cherry trees, with their petals falling like fragrant snow around me.

Besides yourself, who do you love the most, and why do you love them?

G, because he's funny and brilliant and handsome and loving.  He not only tolerates my weirdness, he cherishes it.  He brought me Gatorade and crackers and helped me get in and out of bed after my surgery.  He's washed puke out of my hair.  He's not afraid to "awwww" over cute animals.  He's a zombie killing machine.  He gave me a second family and new and amazing friends.  We have an almost alarming number of interests in common, though we will never agree on travel (he hates it) or football (not my thing).  We have our own language and secret jokes and whenever I see him, I am filled with an almost painful rush of love.  I could go on forever, but it can be summed up like this:  he's my everything for all evertime.

Who are your pets? Include pictures, if applicable. If you don't have pets, what pets would you have if you had to have them?

Unfortunately, I can't have pets where I'm currently living.  This will not surprise any of you, but if I could have pets, I would want cats.  Two of 'em, to be precise, so they could keep each other company.  I have a major weakness for British shorthairs and Abyssinians, but when I finally get cats, I will try to do the right thing and adopt from a shelter.  

What separates you from people who have shittier lives than yours?

Well, I sure do bitch a lot, but I genuinely don't have much cause to do so.  Some of the things I have that millions, or even billions, of people don't:  enough money to pay my expenses and have some left over to indulge in the occasional treat.  The love of a good man and my family and friends.  A steady job.  Health insurance.  A reliable car.  A roof over my head.  Food.  Clean water.  Literacy.  General good health.

What are the ingredients in your perfect salad?

I don't eat anything green unless it's a Skittle or an M&M, so.

What do you think happens to you after you die?

I don't think there's anything after this life, which is both unsettling and a comfort.  The shell stays behind, and what you might think of as your soul is what you leave in the hearts and minds of the people you knew. 

Now share an upbeat song. Any song you like. Either a link or a video. It must be peppy.

 

like a surgeon (hey!)

On Monday, I had my follow up appointment with Dr. S, my surgeon.  He's a genial sort who looks like an Aryan John Ritter and prone to making goofy jokes ("Hey, you ready for another operation?"), but I like him.

When I sat down, I said, "I really wish I had kept my gallstones."

"Oops...did you ask me to save them and I forgot?"

"No, I'm the one who forgot.  My boyfriend got really squicked out by the idea, but I thought it would be cool to keep them because they were like my body's pearls."

Dr. S blinked at me, momentarily at a loss for words, and then he burst into laughter.  "I'm going to remember that one!  Okay, so I'm guessing you're not easily grossed out?"

"Not really."

"Wanna see your innards?"

I nodded, and he flipped open a folder with a flourish and passed me two sheets of glossy photographs.  "I gotta say, you have a gorgeous liver."  He pointed at the picture, which was indeed a pretty liver as far as livers go, and said, "That is a TEXTBOOK liver.  You obviously take good care of yourself..."

(Here I mentally chortled, remembering mac 'n' cheeseburgers of days gone by)

"...and you were easy to operate on because you're so skinny.  Not a lot of fat to move around."

DR. S I LOVE YOU MARRY ME PLZ

Anyway, so everything looked good: no signs of cancer in the gallbladder or surrounding area, incisions healing nicely with no signs of infection.  "If the surgical glue is bothering you, you can pick it off, or you can just let it fall off naturally."

"Yeah, I'm going with the latter option."

"And if you see a stitch coming out of your navel, just pull it out."

Okay, I retract what I said about not being easily grossed out because

Noticing my look of horror, Dr. S said, "Or you could come in and I'll do it for you, but it'll be like picking a loose thread off a shirt."

(dear god please stop I retract my marriage proposal)

"And if it won't come out easily, then you need to come see me."

He signed the form authorizing me to go back to work on Tuesday, and I sadly bid adieu to my week of recuperation.  No more epic naps or reading five books in one week or computer mah jongg marathons.  No more lounging around the house in my ugly but super comfortable nightgown with no decisions to make other than whether I should nap on the couch or in bed.  Back to a constantly ringing phone and irritating coworkers and paperwork coming out my ass and shifting every two seconds because sitting down for long periods of time makes the waistband of my jeans rub against my navel incision and that's a fat cup of ow.

Le sigh.

medi(c)a(l) update: February

Operation Brown has gone down.

I repeat, Operation Brown has gone down!

I won't go into the grisly details, but it happened late Monday night.  It was...not pleasant.  At all.  But at least it happened!  And there was a repeat performance on Tuesday morning and a couple of times since, all of which went much smoother.

Another question for those of you who have had gallbladder surgery:  do you find that artificial sweeteners taste gross to you now?  I had a pretty heavy Coke Zero addiction before my surgery, and now it tastes like complete shit to me.  Which isn't an entirely bad thing, of course, because I'll save about $10/week and anything that ants won't even touch is probably not great for the human body, but it's kind of weird.

Anyway, for the most part I'm doing fine.  My incisions still hurt if I forget and stretch too enthusiastically or anything like that, and every now and then I just get absolutely whomped with exhaustion and have to take an epic nap.  And my stomach still looks like Freddy Krueger used it as a sparring dummy.  But overall, I'm not doing too bad, for which I'm immensely grateful.

Enough o' that.

Before I get to the reviews, I just want to say that I have no idea why Dead Space 3 has gotten crap reviews.  G and I aren't done with it yet, but it's plenty tense and atmospheric and scary as fuck.  We're seriously pressed that there's no offline co-op, but other than that, it's really good.  Dead Space 2 is in my top 10 video games of all time, so you can consider my endorsement of DS3 as good as gold.  (Except that you can't sell it to Cash 4 Gold or use it to buy goods or services.  Sorry.  I'm working on it.)

Asterisks denote something I especially enjoyed or found particularly worthy of my time; your mileage may vary.

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FICTION

1. Invisible by Carla Buckley:  Dana left home carrying a secret that kept her away for years, but after a frantic phone call from her niece, she returns just in time for her sister to die.  She notices how many people in the area are seriously ill, and she begins to investigate.  A decent medical mystery; it's not essential reading or anything, but it's aight.

2. Me Before You* by Jojo Moyes:  Desperate for money to help out her family, Louisa Clark takes a job as a companion for Will Traynor, a bitter quadriplegic.  I don't want to say anything else because I would hate to spoil this book for you, but I highly recommend it.  Also highly recommended?  Tissues.  I don't often cry over books (which is weird, since I cry at the drop of a freakin' hat), but this one really got to me.

3. Guilt by Jonathan Kellerman:  In rapid succession, two infant skeletons are discovered, one of which is found near the body of a woman who's been shot in the head.  LAPD detective Milo Sturgis enlists the help of his friend, psychologist Alex Delaware, to solve the case.  I usually enjoy Kellerman's work, but this wasn't one of his better efforts.

4. Every Secret Thing by Laura Lippman:  After being kicked out of a birthday party, 11-year-old Alice and Ronnie are walking home.  They find an unattended stroller with a baby inside, and things take a horrifying turn.  When Alice and Ronnie are released from prison seven  years later, they become the prime suspects when other children start disappearing.  Good premise, but the writing seemed a bit stilted to me.

5. Sever* by Lauren DeStefano:  Because this is the conclusion to the Chemical Garden trilogy, I can't really give it a proper review without spoiling shit from the previous books.  I'll just say that I really enjoyed it and leave it at that.

6. Revenge by Yoko Ogawa:  A creepy collection of eleven connected stories.

7. The Love Song of Jonny Valentine by Teddy Wayne:  At just 11 years old, Jonny Valentine was discovered online and became a pop star beloved by young girls everywhere.  But despite his fame and fortune, all he really wants is to find his long lost father.  Pretty good, but it was hard not to keep mentally inserting Justin Bieber's name throughout the whole book.

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NONFICTION

1. Rookie Yearbook One* edited by Tavi Gevinson:  The teenage girls of my generation had Sassy, the magazine that assured us we could care about fashion and boys without sacrificing our feminist principles; the teenage girls of today have Rookie.  This collection includes fashion spreads, essays covering everything from street harassment to thrift shopping (including a genius tip for trying on pants in a place without a dressing room), and guest appearances from awesome folks like John Waters, Joss Whedon, and Miranda July.  Even if you don't quite fit into their demographic (which is certainly the case for me), you'll find much to enjoy here.

2. Chanel Bonfire by Wendy Lawless:  A memoir about growing up with a narcissistic, shitty mother.  Not much to add to that description.

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MANGA/GRAPHIC NOVELS

1. Caramel by Puku Okuyama  

2. Ninth Life Love by Lalako Kojima  

3. My Bad! by Rize Shinba

4. Nemesis by Mark Millar and Steve McNiven

5. A Bride's Story vol. 4 by Kaoru Mori

6. Stepping on Roses vol. 9 (final volume) by Rinko Ueda

7. Kamisama Kiss vol. 12 by Julietta Suzuki

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MOVIES

1. Paranormal Activity 4*:  A suburban family takes in a little boy when his mother is hospitalized; demonic hijinks ensue.  It's the same basic formula as the other three movies, and it's more creepy than scary, but I still liked it quite a bit.  And I also appreciated that... 

VERY MINOR SPOILER:  ...the family's cat lives.  I always cringe when I see a cat in a horror movie because it usually winds up killed in a gruesome way, so I was relieved that the cat survived to the end. 

Side note:  why the hell was this rated R?  I've seen far worse in PG-13 movies.

2. The House at the End of the Street:  Elissa (Jennifer Lawrence, slumming hardcore) and her mom move next door to a house where a teenage girl murdered her parents and then disappeared.  Elissa befriends the only survivor, but things get weird.  It shamelessly steals a major plot point from an infamous 80's horror flick (I can't say what due to colossal spoilers) and it's really stupid, but it's surprisingly enjoyable in a trashy way.  

3. Celeste & Jesse Forever*:  Celeste and Jesse (Rashida Jones and Andy Samberg) have recently separated, but they're still very close, which confounds their friends.  But their unusual arrangement is threatened when Jesse falls in love with someone else.  A bittersweet comedy that I really enjoyed.

4. Flight*:  An airline pilot (Denzel Washington) makes a miraculous crash landing, but he has a little secret he's desperate to protect:  he was drunk and high at the time of the accident.  I thought the last 20 minutes or so got a little schmaltzy, but overall it's excellent.  Word of advice:  do NOT watch this movie if you're planning to fly anywhere in the near future.  The crash sequence is excruciatingly intense.

5. Life of Pi*:  After a shipwreck, Pi is stranded on a lifeboat with a Bengal tiger named Richard Parker, and they must struggle to survive against overwhelming odds.  An absolutely gorgeous and heartwrenching movie.  If you haven't seen it yet and want to, I'd highly recommend catching it in the theater if you can because it deserves to be seen on the big screen.  And the 3D is terrific, because it's not all "OMG arrow coming out of the screen at you!"; it's more organic, if that makes any sense.

6. Girl Model:  A documentary about a Russian teenager named Nadya who goes to Japan to model and the scout (a former model herself) who seems a bit conflicted about her job, but continues to look for new girls.  It suffers from occasional slow stretches, but it's pretty interesting.

7. The Perks of Being a Wallflower*:  Charlie is a loner with a dark past who struggles with loneliness when he starts high school.  But he soon befriends a beautiful girl named Sam and her stepbrother Patrick, and things seem to be looking up.  Sweet and touching with some funny moments and a great soundtrack.  (Songs 1-9 on February's iPod list are from this movie.)

8. Seven Psychopaths*:  A screenwriter gets tangled up in his friends' bizarre dognapping scheme, but things turn nasty when they steal a gangster's shih tzu.  A clever and blackly funny script and excellent performances (especially from Sam Rockwell) made this an awesome surprise; I absolutely loved it.  Fair warning, though:  it's REALLY violent.

Side note: be sure to check out the DVD extra "Seven Psychocats", where they remade the trailer with...cats.  The genius who thought to use a Sphynx for Christopher Walken needs to be my bestie.

9. Take This Waltz*:  Margot and Daniel "meet cute":  he heckles her at a historical park, and then they sit next to each other on the plane.  When they share a cab home, they realize that he actually lives across the street from her.  Which would be great since they've got intense chemistry, but there's a catch: she's married.  A thoughtful drama with some wonderful performances by Michelle Williams, Luke Kirby, and Seth Rogen.  And if you've ever wanted to see Michelle Williams or Sarah Silverman (yes, really!) full frontal, pop this on your Netflix queue pronto.

10. Sinister*:  Ethan Hawke plays a true crime writer who moves into a house where a family was killed, hoping to get more insights into the book he's working on.  He finds a box of home movies in the attic that capture several murder sprees, and he begins to fear that his family is the killer's next target.  A really intense and disturbing horror movie that got under my skin something painful.  I think my fellow Silent Hill fans (represent!) would particularly like this because it has a similar feel, especially the soundtrack.

11. The Awakening*:  Shortly after World War I ends, a brilliant young woman named Florence makes her living debunking spiritualists and ghost stories.  She's contacted by a teacher (Dominic West, who will always be Jimmy McNulty to me) at a boys' boarding school who wants her to investigate the ghost of a former student.  I don't think it's a spoiler to say that Florence isn't quite prepared for what she finds.  An old-fashioned thriller with some very spooky moments, including a nail biter of a scene involving a dollhouse.

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VIDEO GAME OF THE MONTH



While browsing on Gamefly, I saw The Testament of Sherlock Holmes (XBOX360; please pardon the lack of an image, but Blogger is being ornery again), thought it looked kind of interesting, and popped it onto my queue.  I wasn't expecting much from it, but it turned out to be a rather enjoyable surprise.

Sherlock Holmes has just solved a case and returned a priceless necklace to its owner.  But it turns out that the necklace he returned was actually a fake, and Holmes is the prime suspect.  Things get even messier when Holmes discovers the mutilated body of a bishop.  Can Holmes find the true culprits and clear his name?

GOOD WORK, WATSON

• An intriguing storyline with some sharp dialogue and genuinely funny moments.  It's not based on an existing Sherlock Holmes story, but it does its inspiration proud.
  
• There are some clever puzzles in this game, including a couple of real brainbusters.  If you like Professor Layton, you ought to like this as well, though it lacks the charm of Professor Layton's world.  Speaking of which...
  
• ...this is rated M for a reason.  There are some truly grim, nasty moments in this game.
  
• They got a really good voice actor for Holmes, and Watson isn't too bad either.  (Everybody else is pretty meh.)
  
• The backgrounds are gorgeous.
  
• The music is quite nice, if a bit repetitive; one track reminded me of original recipe Resident Evil.
  
• The ending credits are awesome, and reminded me so much of a Guy Ritchie movie that I'm pretty sure they were a tip of the hat to Ritchie and his take on the Sherlock Holmes universe.

MORIARTY, YOU FIEND

• There's a bizarre framing device for the story involving three of the ugliest and most obnoxious kids you've ever seen rendered in a video game.  Their inclusion does eventually make sense, but it could (and should) have been left out.
  
• The facial animations aren't the greatest.  They obviously spent more time on Holmes and Watson, but even they suffer from occasional rubberface and creepy eyes.
  
• There's an option to skip puzzles if they get too difficult, which is a total cop out; why would you even play a game like this if you don't like puzzles?  Not only that, but you press the right trigger to skip the puzzle, which is way too easy to do by accident, especially if you play a lot of shooters.  I accidentally skipped a particularly good puzzle, which was irritating.  I wish there was an option after finishing the game to replay puzzles so I could go back and do that one.  At the very least, they should ask you if you're sure you want to skip a puzzle before letting you do so.

Don't get me wrong; this is not a "must play" game.  But if you like old school point and click adventure games, puzzle games, or Sherlock Holmes, it's well worth your time.  I thought it would be something I'd play for 30 minutes and then return the next day, but G and I wound up enjoying it quite a bit.

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ADDED TO MY IPOD

1. "Come on Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners

2. "Temptation" by New Order

3. "Evensong" by The Innocence Mission

4. "Asleep" by The Smiths

5. "Low" by Cracker

6. "Teenage Riot" by Sonic Youth

7. "Dear God" by XTC

8. "Pearly Dewdrops' Drops" by Cocteau Twins

9. "Heroes" by David Bowie

10. "Lips Like Sugar" by Echo & the Bunnymen

11. "Only in My Dreams" by Debbie Gibson

12. "Two of Hearts" by Stacy Q

13. "Things Can Only Get Better" by Howard Jones

14. "I Beg Your Pardon" by Kon Kan

15. "Boy" by Book of Love

16. "Send Me An Angel" by Real Life

17. Heartthrob (full album) by Tegan and Sara