Friday, November 16, 2012

my 25 favorite movie quotes of the year

NOTE:  Not all of the movies quoted came out this year, these aren't in any order of preference (actually, the first one probably is my fave), and a few of them don't make sense out of context. 

1. "Do you remember when eating rats and maggots on Survivor was shocking? It all seems so quaint now. I'm sure the girls from 2 Girls 1 Cup are gonna have their own dating show on VH1 any day now. I mean, why have a civilization anymore if we're no longer interested in being civilized?" (God Bless America)

2. "In 1400 B.C., a group of nervous Egyptians saw the Nile turn red. But what they thought was blood was actually an algae bloom which killed the fish, which prior to that had been living off the eggs of frogs. Those uneaten eggs turned into record numbers of baby frogs who subsequently fled to the land and died. Their little rotting frog bodies attracted lice and flies. The lice carried the bluetongue virus, which killed 70% of Egypt's livestock. The flies carried glanders, a bacterial infection which in humans causes boils. Soon afterwards, the Nile River Valley was hit with a three-day sandstorm otherwise known as the plague of darkness. During the sandstorm, intense heat can combine with an approaching cold front to create not only hail, but also electrical storms which would have looked to the ancient Egyptians like fire from the sky. The subsequent wind would have blown the Ethiopian locust population off course and right into downtown Cairo. Hail is wet, locusts leave droppings. Spread both on grain, and you've got mycotoxins. Dinnertime in ancient Egypt meant the firstborn child got the biggest portion, which in this case meant he ate the most toxins, so he died. Ten plagues. Ten scientific explanations."  (The Reaping)

3. "Everybody loses the thing that made them.  The bravest stay and watch it happen."  (Beasts of the Southern Wild; I haven't actually seen this movie yet, but I read this quote in a review and it really resonated with me.)

4. "No one wants to fuck me.  I look like Voldemort!" (50/50)

5. "Hey, stop fucking with Korean Jesus! He ain't got time for your problems! He's busy with Korean shit!" (21 Jump Street)

6. "My last roommate came out here to be a rock star, then skipped town.  Still owes me three months rent.  Fuck you, John Mayer!"  (Bucky Larson: Born to Be A Star)

7. "I'd kiss the ground you walked on if you lived in a cleaner neighborhood."  (Chico & Rita)

8.  "I've been in restaurants all day and all I've gotten served is lead."  (Safe)

9. "Would you like a lolly?  Strawberry or fuck you?"  (Killer Elite)

10. ROY: "There's no happy ending with me."

ALEXANDRIA: "I still want to hear it."  (The Fall)

11. "Where are we? Look around! This is fuck city. Population five and dwindling."  (The Grey)

12. "It's for my glaucoma." (Puss in Boots)

13. "Mavis, I'm a fat geek, okay?  I know what a zombie is."  (Young Adult)

14. "I'll be the first black guy to freeze to death. It's gonna be cool. Yeah, I'm pumped up about it.  It's just like that song, y'know. I get knocked down, except I get up again in North Dakota, which is the worst place on Earth."  (The Five-Year Engagement)

15. "Better clench up, Legolas."  (The Avengers)

16. "You phony prick fraudulent motherfucker. Do something! Come on! Prove it! Fuck faith! Earn it! Show me something real! I need it now. Not later. Now! Show me and I'll believe in You until the day I die...fuck it, I'll do it myself." (The Grey)

17. "I have a finger that needs washing."  (Klown)

18.  KUMAR:  "Clay Aiken's not gay?"

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS:  "Are you kidding me?  Clay's the biggest cooze hound I know.  That guy gets mad gash."  (A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas)

19. "Yeah I'm for pussy!"  (Neil Patrick Harris in A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas)

20. DARIUS: "You're dangling my vagina out there like bait. What if this guy's a murderer? What if he cuts me up into little pieces and eats me?"

JEFF: "Then the story's even better!" (Safety Not Guaranteed)

21. "Statistical fact: cops will never pull over a man with a huge bong in his car. Why? They fear this man. They know he sees further than they and he will bind them with ancient logics."  (The Cabin in the Woods)

22. "Are you having a boy or an abortion?" (The Dictator)

23. "So you wanna double stuff that cookie with me?" (Seeking a Friend for the End of the World)

24. "I wish I was a super genius inventor and could come up with a way to make a telephone into an explosive device that was triggered by the American Superstarz voting number. The battery could explode and leave a mark on the face so I could know who to avoid talking to before they even talked. Yeah, I could look and say, 'hmm, no, you're not going to say anything that's gonna add any value to my life.'" (God Bless America)

25. “This time it really WAS the black guy!" (Chronicle)