answers to questions that nobody asked

’Sup, fool?

Oh, not a whole lot…just haven’t been in the mood for writing for some reason.

How are things with G?

Still cavity-inducingly wonderful, thanks. We went to Little Tokyo on Saturday with C and M, and because the Alameda exit was closed off, we wound up getting lost in a particularly nasty part of LA. That was fun…four people so white you could ski on them, sitting at a stoplight and praying no crackheads would come over and start (or indeed throw) some shit.

However, once we did reach our destination, all was well. I bought the usual glut of magazines and junk food, as well as a notebook to serve as a trip journal. The cover is sprinkled with strawberries and says “All tiny things are pretty”. We had dinner at a little sushi/ramen joint and I had a bowl of nabeyaki udon.

Back at G’s, C and M took their leave and we stayed up late playing RE4. We just bought the Chicago Typewriter from the merchant and are enjoying its kick-ass firepower.

Sweet. Hey, what was your first exposure to porn?

My mom bought a copy of My Secret Garden (a collection of women’s sexual fantasies compiled by Nancy Friday) back in the late 70’s, and she was so appalled by it that she threw it away. I overheard snippets of a conversation between her and Daddy-O (“disgusting…absolutely degenerate…you know I’m pretty liberal, but my god!”), and after they had gone to bed, I sneaked out into the garage and fished it out of the trash. I read it cover to cover in the dim glow of my unicorn nightlight and was thoroughly traumatized. I remember pulling the blankets over my head and thinking "Oh my god...people can have sex with DOGS?"

Got any consumer advisories for us?

I put on a fragrance called Miss Natasha on Sunday and when G came back into the room, he sniffed the air and said, “Did you just spray Raid?”

Another recent fragrance flop: The Pink Room. It smelled like an old, heavily-powdered spinster who delights in pinching the sweet tender cheekmeat of little kids and making them cry. It also made my wrists break out in angry red bumps.

No Nonsense Almost Bare pantyhose = sucktacular. I bought a three-pack and went through the whole thing in three days. They ran literally minutes after putting them on, and it’s not like I have sharp dragon lady nails or anything. Avoid.

And I had the foulest sweet and sour chicken TV dinner last night; I want to say it was Lean Cuisine, but I’m not sure. It tasted like Jean Nate perfume licked from the asscrack of a dirty whore. K was watching me grimace and she finally said, “Christ, throw it away already!”

There just isn’t enough drama online for my tastes. Any suggestions?

The Live Journal community called No Ugly Babies. (I would link it for your convenience, but LJ's a restricted site here at work, so I can't go on there and check the direct link. Just go to Live Journal and type in user name "nouglybabies".)You can actually feel the heat from the flame wars emanating from your screen and singeing your eyebrows.

Anything else you were going to say?

Yes, actually, but I can’t remember what it was. Welcome to Senile Town, population…uh…I forgot.