Sunday, January 20, 2008

two open letters

Dear New York Giants,

Thank you for the best possible "get well soon" gift you ever could have given Padre, your most devoted fan. As a reward, you may all touch my boobies.

But nothing more than that,

Dear Bridget Moynahan,

I still can't believe Tom Brady left you for Gisele Bundchen when you were pregnant with his child. You can't tell me you're not still pissed off about the whole thing; I mean, I sure would be. I don't think anyone would blame you if you invited Tom Brady over to see his kid and then...oh, I don't know...tied his vas deferens in a granny knot. That would really hurt! My god, he wouldn't be able to play football like that.

Do it, Bridget.

Do it for all the women who have loved and lost.

We're counting on you.

Any time before February,