Friday night and the lights are low

I stole this meme because I don’t want to work right now. (Or, um, ever.)

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say To Ten Different People Right Now

1. No, I don’t want to.
2. Nobody gives a shit.
3. You don’t just make my day; you make my life.
4. I hate you.
5. Could you please put your cell phone on vibrate? I’m really fucking sick of hearing “Who Can It Be Now?” chiming from your cube every two minutes.
6. You’re nowhere near as interesting as you think you are.
7. I’m going to miss you.
8. I forgive you.
9. I know what you said about me.
10. Take this job and shove it.


Nine Things About Myself

1. I have three video game systems: a Dreamcast, a Playstation 2, and a Nintendo DS.
2. I didn’t try pizza until I was 18 years old. Believe me, I’ve made up for lost time since then.
3. Magazines are my crack. I subscribe to Star, Us, People, Shojo Beat, Allure, Glamour, Self, New York, and TV Guide. This list doesn’t even include the ones that G subscribes to on my behalf (he had frequent flier miles that were going to expire), or the ones I’ll be getting from work as a Christmas gift.
4. I have only been in one physical fight in my life. I was three years old and some kid tried to take my sand pail, so I pushed her down, straddled her, and beat her on the head with it. Don’t be messin’ with my sand pail, bitch!
5. When I was six years old, I had a dance recital solo to “Dancing Queen”. There’s a framed picture of me in Daddy-O’s living room, wearing an aqua silk leotard trimmed with fringe and matching elbow-length gloves. My love for ABBA runs mad deep.
6. I have fillings in just about every tooth. Considering that one of my favorite snacks as a kid was Fun Dip mixed into a can of Coke, I guess I’m lucky to have ANY teeth.
7. If you are ever on “Who Wants to Be A Millionaire?”, and you want me to be your lifeline, here are the topics you can call me on and reasonably expect a correct answer: literature, movies, video games, perfume, Japanese pop culture, celebrity gossip. Call me about politics, math, science, sports, or computers, and you’re on your own.
8. Clothing size: 12. Shoe size: 8. Ring size: 6. Bra size: 38C.
9. I am unfortunately related to Tom Metzger, the racist piece of shit who started the riot on Geraldo. He has been estranged from our family, by mutual agreement, since before I was even born.


Eight Ways To Win My Heart

1. Make me laugh so hard I almost wet my pants.
2. Be a kitten, a monkey, or a three-toed sloth.
3. Be filled with all sorts of strange and fascinating facts.
4. Buy me candy, perfume, or magazines.
5. Be kind.
6. Be dirty.
7. Be quirky.
8. Be G.


Seven Things That Cross My Mind A Lot

1. Should I stay in this job, which is boring but pays my bills, or try to find something better?
2. God, I have to pee AGAIN?
3. I like shiny things.
4. What the hell was the name of that book/movie I wanted to read/watch?
5. I have to remember to buy ________ at the store.
6. Goddammit, I forgot to buy ________ at the store!
7. Is it 6PM/Friday/bedtime yet?


Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep

1. Shut down my laptop.
2. Brush my teeth.
3. Put night cream on, because I am an old lady now.
4. Obsessively check and recheck the alarm.
5. Pee.
6. Read for at least a half-hour, unless I’m too tired to keep my eyes open.


Five People Who Mean A Lot To Me

1. G.
2. Daddy-O.
3. My brother.
4. Kelly.
5. Spock.

Four Things I’m Wearing Right Now

1. A blue t-shirt with six Japanese lucky cats on the front.
2. Jeans.
3. Black sneakers.
4. Harajuku Lovers Lil’ Angel perfume. It’s like Gwen Stefani designed this line just for me! Anime-inspired bottles? Perfumes with notes like lollipop accord and coconut cream? Yes please! Feeling a bit skint, I opted for the solid coffret (all five scents in compact form for $60) instead of buying each bottle separately for $25 each. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize until I’d already spread a fingerful on my wrists that the solids have glitter in them---it wasn’t obvious in the packaging---and now it’s spread all up and down my arms. I look like I’ve been fisting the Tin Man.

Three Songs That I Listen To Often

1. “Shangri-La” by chatmonchy: A sublime piece of J-pop.
2. “Fly Routine” by Hostile Groove: I like to listen to this on my iPod and relive the supermarket fight scene from Dead Rising.
3. “Give Me Back My Man” by The B-52’s: I’ll give you fish, I’ll give you candy.

Two Things I Want to Do Before I Die

1. Go to Graceland.
2. Get a job where I don’t wake up every day and pray for a meteor to come crashing through my roof so I don’t have to go to work.

One Confession

I secretly read Batman/Joker and Henry/Walter (from Silent Hill 4) slash fiction. I can’t help it; I’m a sucker for a good gay grudgefuck, I guess.