Thursday, July 24, 2014

hips like Cinderella

(The title doesn't mean anything; I've just been listening to the Pixies a lot recently.)

Every month on the last page, Marie Claire runs a column in which they ask a celebrity 20 questions.  I think I've done this before, but they mix up the questions every month, so most of this should be new.  I'm bored, and I assume you are too if you're reading this, so I ask your indulgence.

What brings you the greatest joy?

First and foremost, spending time with G-Vo.  But as far as things I can do by myself that cost less than $10, I would have to say my summer Monday ritual.  When I get home from work, I crank up the air conditioning and then climb into bed, read a magazine with little to no intellectual content, and then nap for about an hour.  It's absolutely glorious, and is just the refresher I need after a dismal Monday at work.  (In the fall/winter, it's dark when I get home, so I only nap if I'm about to fall over because it's very disorienting to wake up from a nap and have it be completely dark out.)

What brings you the greatest satisfaction?

Being with G-Vo for ten years and being able to count our fights on two fingers.

What is the best gift you've ever received?

I don't know if it's THE best, but the first thing that sprang to mind was the Colecovision I got for my birthday in 1983.  It was the absolute shit, and I spent many, many hours playing Mousetrap, Donkey Kong, and my favorite, Ladybug.  

What charities do you support?

I'm just about broke enough to be a charity all on my own, but my dad prefers charitable donations over actual gifts, so I donate in his name when a special occasion rolls around.  He moved to Florida last year and is absolutely smitten with it, especially the wildlife, so now the charities usually involve saving manatees or Florida panthers or critters like that.

What is your greatest indulgence?

Perfume.  I have so much that I don't think I'll ever run out.  G-Vo got me a bottle of Angel Eau Sucree for my birthday, and it makes me smell like a macaron to the point that I want to eat my own arm.

What is on your perennial to-do list?

There is an area in my living room where everything seems to accumulate:  boxes, Target purchases, furoku from Little Tokyo runs, a new shower curtain that I still have to put up, a package from Zappos that I got two months ago and still haven't opened (thank god for their liberal return policies) name it.  I keep telling myself that I need to remove at least one item per day and then I'll have it cleaned up within a month, but then I don't because I am very lazy and when I get home from work all I want to do is flop on the couch and read or play Candy Crush until my lives run out.

What is on your bucket list?

I want to visit a Japanese hot spring, or if I can't do that, soak in the springs at Ten Thousand Waves in New Mexico.  I want to go on a road trip and do nothing but tourist trap stuff like the Weeki Wachee mermaid show and Pedro's South of the Border.  There are at least a dozen countries I'd love to visit, and I really want to go to Portland, Oregon.  I want Gordon Ramsay to call me a donkey and/or a muppet, but only in fun, because I think if he was genuinely pissed at me, it would be utterly terrifying.

What is on your bookshelf?


...sorry.  But yes, I do in fact have books, though not as many as you might think, considering my voracious reading habit.  I very rarely buy books, thanks to Los Angeles county's excellent library system.  I also have two Hello Kitty dolls, a phrenologist's head, a daruma whose second eye will never get filled in at this rate, a UFO catcher doll of Yomi from Azumanga Daioh, and one of my favorite pictures (me and G-Vo eating soft pretzels in Central Park).

Who is on the guest list for your ideal dinner party?

Aside from real life loved ones, the cast of Game of Thrones, David Lynch, Kevin Smith, Ray Stevenson, Samantha Irby, Matt Bellamy, Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul because they have a real life bromance that absolutely kills me, Rich Juzwiak and Caity Weaver, Guillermo del Toro, Kate Middleton so I can admire her shiny hair, Prince Harry, Michael K from Dlisted (I'll put him next to "Prince Hot Ginge", as MK calls him), George Clooney, Grumpy Cat, Maru, Suda51, Swery65, Akira Yamaoka, Shinji Mikami, Louis C.K., Amy Schumer, and President Obama.  Oh, and Katie Holmes, but only if she promises to spill the tea on her marriage to Tom Cruise.

What makes you laugh?

Too many to list, so I'll just mention one:  when G-Vo does his impression of Jackson Galaxy from My Cat from Hell.  It's done with fondness, because we both enjoy that show and think Jackson's a rock star, but it's still funny as shit.  We were visiting our friend M a couple of months ago, and she has two cats we both love, and when Girl Cat came up to G-Vo he said (in an eerily accurate voice) "Hi, girlfriend!" and I think I might have peed a little.

What makes you cry?

Again, too many to list, but anything involving animals (either something good, like an abandoned kitten being saved, or bad, like I don't even want to say) will have my tear ducts flooding.  Fucking Budweiser with their fucking Super Bowl ads.  Oh, and movies where someone is reunited with their loved one(s) in the afterlife, like Somewhere in Time, probably because I don't believe that happens after death but desperately want to.  Instant ugly sobbing mess.

What item in your closet do you wear the most?

Aside from my jeans and the stuff I wear to work, I'd have to say my Teddy (from Persona 4) shirt.  G-Vo made it for me, and some teenage boy at Red Robin was so excited to see it that he said "Oh my god, is everyday great at your Junes?" (a line from the game) and then gave me a fistbump.  I'm really glad G-Vo was there to see it, because he never would have believed me otherwise!

What is your beauty secret?

"Beauty" ROFL

...sorry, I'll stop being mean to myself.  I'd have to say sunscreen.  I use Aveeno Positively Radiant moisturizer, which has 30SPF in it, and it's the best thing ever.  (I only use this on days when I'm going to be out in the sun for an hour or less; otherwise, I use something stronger to be on the safe side, even though other SPF moisturizers tend to leave a chalky white film that makes me look like I'm trying out for a kabuki play.)  I've tried many other moisturizers with SPF, some of them costing literally five times as much, and I'm always disappointed and go running back to my Aveeno. I hope they never discontinue it because I'll be PISSED.

What splurge is well worth it?

Massages.  Every two weeks, I get a full body massage at a local massage school, and it only costs $30 from one of the interns.  They've been through all of the training, so although the atmosphere is a bit lacking, it's still a bargain.  And there's a massage therapist that comes in once a week here at work, and she charges $10 for a 10 minute chair massage, so I go to her when I don't have a "full monty" massage booked. 

What do you never leave home without?

My wallet, cell phone, Dr Pepper lip balm, and a little tin box, shaped like a suitcase, in which I store aspirin, Imodium, Band-Aids, Dayquil, and Allegra.  That box has saved my bacon, and the bacon of others, many times.

What is your favorite food?

My absolute favorite food in the whole wide world is old-fashioned sugar cream pie (aka hoosier pie), which is the official state pie of Indiana and can only be found in that and a handful of other midwestern states.  Since I don't find myself in Indiana very often, I get to have it maybe once a decade, if that.  I don't even know how to describe it; the closest I can come is creme brulee, but about a million times better, and I love creme brulee so you know I ain't playin'.

Now, as far as something I can get easily, you just cannot beat a good cheeseburger:  ketchup, mustard, pickles, and American cheese only, please.  My favorites are from Red Robin and Wendy's because I have very simple tastes.  (Obviously.)

What movie has the greatest ending?

Well, you can't beat The Sixth Sense and Seven, for obvious reasons, but my personal favorite ending is probably The Fall.


Ordinarily, I think ambiguous endings are a cop out on the part of the director and/or screenwriter, but I think it worked for The Fall.  After I made G-Vo watch it, he told me he wanted to give it a 5 but couldn't because he hates ambiguous endings too.  Then we were looking on the IMDB message board, and someone said something along the lines that just as Roy could choose whether to give his story a happy or a sad ending, so could the viewer.  Which made perfect sense, so G-Vo upped his Netflix rating to a 5.


What song instantly puts you in a good mood?

"Weekender Girl" by Hatsune Miku.

How did you make your first dollar?

Data entry at a company that sold office supplies.  Very exciting.

What is the best advice you've ever been given?

Well, he didn't tell it to me directly, but the best advice I've ever heard comes from Dr. Seuss:  "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."  Along the same lines, I also like this quote from Oscar Wilde:  "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."  Seriously, at the risk of being a total cornball, I don't think it's a coincidence that my life improved by about 1000% when I said, "You know what?  Fuck it, I'm going to let my freak flag fly."