Thursday, December 11, 2014

the 35 best movie/True Detective lines of 2014

These are the bits of dialogue that really stuck out to me this year.  They're not in any particular order, and I tried to avoid spoilery ones as much as possible.  There are a couple that might SEEM spoilery, but really aren't.  (And no, I'm not telling you which ones, since that's kind of a spoiler in itself!)  A lot of these are from memory, so they might not be verbatim.  And finally, not all of the movies listed originally came out in 2014, but that's when I saw them.

1. "My jim dog is stuck!"  (Bad Grandpa)

2. "Machete don't tweet."  (Machete Kills)

3. "How can I complain?  Women in Darfur, you know?  They walk 14 miles to get water, get raped on the way home, spill all the water, have to go back."  (Afternoon Delight)

4. [pointing at a gravestone] "There's Woody's little sister, Rose. She was only nineteen when she was killed in a car wreck near Wausa. What a whore!"  (Nebraska)

5. "There is nothing more reassuring than knowing that the world is crazier than you are."  (Thor: The Dark World)

6. "You hit like a vegetarian!"  (Escape Plan)

7. "Screw the FDA, I'm gonna be DOA!"  (Dallas Buyers Club)

8. "My name is Jordan Belfort. The year I turned 26, I made 49 million dollars, which really pissed me off because it was three shy of a million a week."  (The Wolf of Wall Street)

9. "I'm never eating at Benihana again!  I don't care whose birthday it is!"  (The Wolf of Wall Street)

10. "Eat the fish, bitch."  (August: Osage County)

11. "What do you mean you're gay?  Like dicks in butts gay?  Or, like, retarded gay, like 'Man, Nicholas Cage movies are so gay'?"  (Date & Switch)

12. "You wanted to fuck a hobo when you were 7?  Is that what you're telling me?"  (Date & Switch)

13. "These guys are so hot my g-string is turning into a Slip 'n' Slide!"  (Best Night Ever)

14. "Why are there dwarves coming out of our toilet?"  (The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug)

15. "I do some web design."  (The Amazing Spider-Man 2)

16. "If you were drowning, I'd throw you a barbell."  (True Detective)

17. "Guys, I'm kinda fucked up right now, but I think Omar from The Wire is sitting on our couch."  (That Awkward Moment)

18. "This place is like someone's memory of a town, and the memory is fading."  (True Detective)

19. "You gotta get together and tell stories that violate every law of the universe just to get through the goddamn day?  What's that say about your reality?"  (True Detective)

20. "The hubris it must take to yank a soul out of non-existence into this meat, and to force a life into this thresher."  (True Detective)

21. "I can't tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. You gave me forever within the numbered days."  (The Fault in Our Stars)

22. "Sometimes I think I have felt everything I'm ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I'm not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I've already felt."  (Her)

23. "If this is what happens when God is looking out for us, I'd hate to see Him pissed."  (Lone Survivor)

24. "Why don't you take your potty mouth, go locate your preteen cocksucking son and stuff him back up that old blown-out sweat sock of a vagina and scoot off back to whatever shit-kicking town you came from?  Like an elephant's trunk, I bet...gray and distended."  (Bad Words)

25. "Would it be all right if I showed our children the whoring bed?"  (Nymphomaniac)

26. "You didn't let me finish earlier because I died."  (The Lego Movie)

27. "Scotland brought the world television, the steam engine, golf, whiskey, penicillin, and of course, the deep-fried Mars bar.  It's great being Scottish.  We're such a uniquely successful race."  (Filth)

28. "When Henry Altmann fell from the bridge, time had slowed. And it occurred to Henry that life didn't have to be a burden, that life is short and fragile and unique. And each hour, each minute, each second could have something to offer. Something beautiful and astounding. The fact that this only occurred to him seconds before he would hit the water and die made him very, very angry."  (The Angriest Man in Brooklyn, made especially poignant by the fact that Robin Williams played Henry)

29. "I'm trying to distract you, you big turdblossom!"  (Guardians of the Galaxy)

30. "Well, now there will be no berries in the fruit salad, so we all lose."  (Year One)

31. [woman speaking on the phone]  "Yeah, he went down on me for hours and oh my god, I came SO HARD.  Oh wait, my boss just walked in, so I better go.  Talk to you later, Dad!"  (They Came Together)

32. "There is something about connecting over mutual hatred that is just so much deeper than connecting over mutual love."  (A Million Ways to Die in the West)

33. "I am in love with you. And I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed. And that one day all our labor will be returned to dust. And I know that the sun will swallow the only earth we will ever have. And I am in love with you."  (The Fault in Our Stars)

34. "Fuck you, doves!" (22 Jump Street)

35. "What the fuck you doin'?  Y'all rationing around here?  Come on, hook me up!  Two little fucking string beans?  Gimme the goddamn string beans!  I want some fucking deviled eggs.  I want fruit.  Don't you like fruit?  I like fruit!  [grabs roast chicken and begins tearing it apart]  I'll break your motherfucking legs!  Break yo' legs!"  (22 Jump Street)