insert clever birthday-related title here

On the morning of my 35th birthday, I had to clean up a puddle of cat puke and pluck a white (not gray, but WHITE; if this keeps up, I can start cosplaying as Abby Cable) hair from my scalp.

This was not an auspicious beginning.

Fortunately, things got better from there. I took the day off work, so I spent the 8 hours I would otherwise have spent in the office doing much more interesting things, like shopping, reading an enormous stack of magazines at Borders, watching anime, and napping. Of course, since I was still being paid, I did a jolly Boobie Dance around the living room to The Strokes.

G and C picked me up a little before 7, and we met up with M at Kate Mantilini’s, a restaurant in Woodland Hills. We sat down and placed our orders, and despite my recent transition from Tara Reid to Carry Nation, I had a glass of pinot noir. I was just beginning to get a pleasant buzz when G said, “Okay, birthday girl, time for presents!”

C and M went first. They gave me a cute (and huge!) Hello Kitty card, which also had a Borders gift card inside. I protested that they had been far too generous, but there was more: two Pacifica candles, one in Indian chai and one in vanilla orchid. I was really blown away and thanked them profusely.

Next it was G's turn, and as you can imagine, I was practically drooling with anticipation. First off, I opened his card, which also had a Hello Kitty theme and came with HK temporary tattoos inside. He wrote:

Huh. What message exactly are we sending to the round-eye youth of our country with this card, anyway? Ah well, no matter---I'd still be into you if you had a HUNDRED Hello Kitty tattoos. Happy birthday, m'dear!!! Hope it's the best one ever...Your devoted NS

"Don't take that card as license to get 99 more Hello Kitty tattoos, by the way," G warned.

My next present was a bottle of Nanadebary Pink perfume, which was a total surprise. Months ago, I might have mentioned enjoying a sample of it I’d received with an online order, but I can’t believe he managed to remember the name! “This is one you like, right?” G fretted. I assured him that it was, and gave him a big kiss. The retailer had also thrown in a bag of samples, which was a lovely lagniappe.

Next I opened up a sheet of monkey stickers, and G said, "I know you said you wanted a monkey lunchbox [from Borders] too, but the salesgirl said they were all sold out, so I owe you a monkey lunchbox."

"Please," I snorted. "Like you haven't been generous enough!"

There was one more present, but our food came, so it had to wait. Gleefully, I plowed through my delectable filet mignon sandwich and beer battered french fries. Once we'd finished eating, G turned to me and said, "Are your hands clean?"

Odd.

I wiped my hands off on my napkin and said, “They are now.”

And then I opened this:






“Oh my GOD!” I shrieked, as everyone exploded with laughter. “I cannot BELIEVE you found a Doggy Poo shirt!”

“Found?!? I’ll have you know I drew that myself and got the shirt custom-made, little missy.”

And that did it for gifts. I thanked everyone again, and then we ordered dessert (chocolate-covered cheesecake on a stick for me). After we'd finished and paid, we went back to C and M's to feed the cats, and it turns out there was one last gift for me: C had found a recipe for old-fashioned sugar cream pie online and made one! Of course, I was in no condition to try it, being full of filet and cheesecake, but he wrapped it up for me to take home, and I plan on tucking into a slab of it after dinner tonight.

It was after 11PM by this point, so G drove me home and helped me carry my gifts upstairs. He gave me a goodnight kiss that made my knees wobble, and damn if that didn’t take some of the sting out of cat puke and white hairs.