Friday, July 06, 2007

your opinion plz kthx

I went to the store tonight to buy bread, milk, cereal, a protective mattress cover for the move, and cat food, and something happened that I would really like to get all y’alls opinion on.

Although it was 10:30PM, there was a sizable line, and only one checker. I had been standing in line for about five minutes when a man who smelled like he’d been marinating in Axe body spray and cigarettes got in line behind me. I discreetly tried to breathe through my mouth as I scanned the covers of all the weekly rags. I was glad when another cashier came up to the man in front of me and told him to follow her to the next register. Because the guy in front of him had approximately two thousand items in his cart, give or take, I followed…

…and the stinky motherfucker behind me cut in front of me, put a bottle of vodka on the conveyor belt, and STARED ME RIGHT IN THE EYE, SMIRKING.

I couldn’t believe the nerve of this cocksucker! (No offense to literal cocksuckers; it just has such a nice snap to it.) To not only steal my place in line, but to actually SMIRK at me as if to say “Hey, bitch, I’m a rude son of a bitch, but what are you going to do about it?”

Oh, you have no idea how bad I wanted to say, “Excuse me, sir, but I was next.” But even though this guy was shorter than me, he had a definite air of menace about him. He was very muscular and had a number of piercings that must make going through airport security a bit of a hassle for him. And yeah, I doubted he would do anything physical to me if I spoke up, but I didn’t exactly want to get in a verbal confrontation either. But I’m really kicking myself for not being brave enough to say anything.

So, dear reader, I’d like your opinion on this matter. Which of the following choices would you like to say to me?

A: Jesus Christ, woman, grow some stones! Like you said, you were in a public place and it’s not like he was going to break that vodka bottle over your head or something. If you don’t stand up for yourself, don’t expect anybody to feel sorry for you when you get taken advantage of.

B: Ever heard of choosing your battles? Well, this is kind of the perfect example. It totally wouldn’t have been worth the risk of Stinky McSmirkerson going medieval on your ass, or saying something nasty that would ruin your entire night. Just take a deep breath, wish him a case of explosive diarrhea while stuck in rush hour traffic, and move on.