watch your back, Martin

Last night, I went to Target and spent about $200 on stuff for my trip.

…well, mostly for my trip. I also bought a box of oatmeal, a bottle of shiraz, two tubes of Dr Pepper lip balm, and a blanket because my apartment is so fucking cold you could hang meat in it and I figured buying an additional blanket for $17 was cheaper than kicking the thermostat up a few degrees every night.

Anyway, so I was driving home and

…okay, second tangent. Can I just say that I love my fucking car? I mean, I LOVE him. When I turn the ignition, the display panel on the stereo says “HELLO [sairentohiru]”, which gives me a little frisson of happiness. Ginji knows my name! And I love having a CD player, because it gives me an excuse to pull out all the CDs that have been gathering dust since I bought my iPod way back when. Many of them are unlabeled, so I never know what’s going to come out of the speakers. Sometimes it’s the cheesy, cheery Eurotrash song “Holiday” by the Other Ones; sometimes it’s the fratboy raunch of the Bloodhound Gang; sometimes it’s…um…Air Supply.

ANYWAY. So I was driving home and suddenly I heard three very loud beeps. I immediately looked at the control panel to see if any icons were lit up, which fortunately was not the case. I shrugged, figured I was hearing things, and continued on my merry way.

Well, today I dug my cell phone out of my purse to charge it and behold! Those beeps were a text message! The only text messages I ever get are from Verizon, so I wasn’t expecting anything exciting, but it turned out to be a treasure. Check this misspelled masterpiece out:

Ugh! Martin! I don think were gunaa work out! Sherwinz buggn!

Isn’t it marvelous? It’s like a bit of found poetry, or a Jerry Springer episode boiled down to just eleven words. I suppose I could erase it, but I think I’ll leave it on my phone instead, so that centuries from now, when my ashes have long been relegated to the earth, archaeologists will find my phone and learn things about the time in which I lived.

Namely, that people were retarded.