Worst. Diet. Ever.

WEDNESDAY, 4/29/09

Breakfast: scrambled eggs, white toast with grape jam, glass of orange juice

Midmorning snack: lemon macaroon from Bouchon

Exercise: Walking approximately 3+ miles around the Venetian, the Palazzo, and the Paris

Lunch: grilled cheese sandwich, fries, Coke Zero

Exercise: Walking around McCarran Airport with Daddy-O; vigorous hugs upon parting ways

Snack: Bag of cashews and a Coke on the plane

Exercise: Walking from terminal at the Bob Hope Airport to baggage claim; hoisting heavy suitcase onto parking shuttle; driving home while singing Morrissey at the top of my lungs; lugging said suitcase up flight of stairs and into apartment, despite starting to feel really rugged

Dinner: cup of yogurt

Exercise: spending the rest of the night into the wee hours racing from my bed to the bathroom to puke and/or have explosive diarrhea, sometimes at once!

THURSDAY 4/30/2009

Breakfast: bottle of Vitamin Water

Exercise: puking and shitting; climbing into shower and then immediately stepping out when I felt like I was going to faint; calling doctor's office and begging to come in; driving to doctor's office with towel under my ass lest I be unable to control myself and shit all over my new car; being examined by doctor who diagnoses massive food poisoning and gives me an excuse for work and prescriptions for Cipro and Diflucan (to combat the inevitable yeastie beasties that arise whenever I take antibiotics); driving to Long's, dropping off prescriptions, and pushing cart around store in zombielike shuffle while throwing in saltines, applesauce, Gatorade, and ginger ale; picking up prescriptions; driving home; lugging everything upstairs; shitting; changing into woobs; coming online to write this entry before flinging myself into bed for indeterminate amount of time

Snack: Cipro tablet, bottle of Gatorade, three saltines

Exercise: vomiting