Friday, February 01, 2013

hold me so tight they'll think I'm you

Entry title stolen from "I Wanna Be Like Everybody Else" by Sparks; survey stolen from my esteemed colleague Sherry.

What is on your bed right now?

Nothing but a comforter, sheets, and pillows.  I'm not the neatest person in the world, but I always make my bed in the morning, and I try to keep my bedroom clean and organized.  The living room is where I let my messy freak flag fly.

When was the last time you threw up?

I don't remember the exact date (it would be weird if I did), but it was a couple of weeks ago.  I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, and I started coughing so hard that I, shall we say, whistled a solid tune.  Unfortunately, it happened so unexpectedly that I didn't have a chance to get to the toilet that was literally two feet away; no, instead I barfed in the sink.  And this happened right as G was walking by the door, so he got to witness this.  He also got to help me unclog the sink.  Boyfriend brownie points:  three dozen.

Name 3 people who made you smile today.

Well, I've been at work all day, so nobody.  Actually, that's not entirely true; G sent me a funny email.

What were you doing at 8 am this morning?

Hitting the snooze button for the third time. 

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

Taking my lunchtime walk. 

What is your favorite holiday?

You guys are going to think I am the schmaltziest asshole, but Valentine's Day.  Yes, I used to hate the shit out of it when I was single.  Yes, I used to spend it rolling my eyes at all the pink and red and fluffy shit everywhere and I'd spend the evening watching anime and eating pizza.  (I ALWAYS had Valentine's pizza.)

But goddamn it, when you're in love and you've found the person you know is right for you, it fucking rocks.

Just barely related:  the activities committee at work just sent out a mass email with the subject line "How are you spending Black History Month?"  Um...being white?  

Have you ever been to another country?

I have.  In general chronological order:  Canada (several times), Mexico (three times if you count the college day trip across the border for drinking and dancing; they detained my roommate at the border when we tried to return and we had to pay a $200 bribe to get her out), France, Norway, Bermuda, Japan (once in 2003 and again in 2005), Iceland, Costa Rica, and England.  Spoiler alert:  Japan was by far my favorite one.

What is the last thing you said aloud?

The generic spiel I'm supposed to use when answering the phone here at work.

What is the best ice cream flavor?

Blue moon ice cream, which is borderline impossible to find outside of the Midwest.  Every once in a while, I'll think I see it and get all excited and then, nope, it's bubblegum.  (And why is bubblegum ice cream almost always blue?  I know bubblegum comes in different colors, but if I were to say "Fill in the blank:  I painted my bathroom bubblegum..." you would totally say pink, right?  You wouldn't say blue, right?  You would?  What are you, some kind of contrarian?  Jesus.) 

But if I had to pick something I can find just about anywhere, it's pistachio.  It has to be that unnatural green color, though.  I know it's psychological, but it doesn't taste the same otherwise.  And I love Ben & Jerry's Mission to Marzipan.  Do they even make that anymore?

What was the last thing you had to drink?

Water.  Envy my exciting life!

What are you wearing right now?

A striped blue shirt, jeans, sneakers, my vintage brass heart ring, glasses, the usual undergarments, L'Artisan Tea for Two perfume. 

What was the last thing you ate?

A PBJ sandwich.

Have you bought any new clothing items this week? 


When was the last time you ran?

I did that annoying walk-jog you do when someone is holding a door open for you and you're several feet away.  Although I appreciate the gesture, I gotta say:  if I'm not RIGHT THERE, please feel free to let the door shut. 

What’s the last sporting event you watched?

If by "watched" you mean the whole thing, basically nothing ever.  G always watches the NY Giants games, of course, as well as those of their division rivals, but I spend that time reading, putzing around online, or falling asleep on the couch and copiously drooling on my arm.  I will be doing the same this Sunday during the Super Bowl, looking up from my book/computer only when commercials are on.

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Italy.  I would also like to see much more of France than I did.

Who is the last person you sent a comment/message on Facebook?

Nobody ever.  I hate Facebook and I don't have one.  I started one a few years back and was like "fuck this shit".

Ever go camping?

No.  I'm kind of a diva in that I require indoor plumbing and a bed.  Also, me + insects = infinite sum of nope.

Do you have a tan?

No.  I do pick up a bit of a tan during the summer, because I walk 3 miles a day and even though I use sunscreen, I still get some color.  It's starting to fade, though. 

But when I was a teenager, I used to lie out in the back yard with my friend R and we'd slather baby oil all over ourselves and use reflectors we'd created out of tin foil and an album cover.  This memory makes me cringe. 

Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?

Some change fell out of my pocket into a squat toilet when I was in Japan.  Needless to say, it stayed in the squat toilet.  I also dropped my cell phone in the toilet at work once, but I retrieved it (the water was clean!) and did the rice trick, and it worked!  I only had rice pilaf at home, so my phone smelled delightfully spicy for a couple of weeks.

What is your guilty pleasure?

Trashy magazines and gossip sites.  DListed is my absolute favorite, but I also like Oh No They Didn't.  And I don't check Crazy Days and Nights very often, but there was a rumor going around that Robert Downey Jr. was an especially prolific commenter on the site.  This rumor was repeated on Gawker and Jezebel, and RDJ's representative had to release a statement debunking it.  Too bad; I kind of like the idea of RDJ sitting there at home gleefully spilling all sorts of juicy insider dirt.

I also like Vigilant Citizen, which is all about the conspiracy theories.  I don't believe about 95% of the stuff on that site, but it's still fascinating to read, and it's amazing what you'll start noticing in the media after poking around there for a few hours.  Be sure to check out the pages on the IRS building and the Denver airport. 

Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?

Only to be funny or as a shorthand way of saying "That previous comment wasn't supposed to be as serious/bitchy as it sounded."

Do you drink your soda from a straw?

I have been for the last couple of days because one of my teeth has become supersensitive to cold.  I have a dentist appointment next week so he can take a gander and find out what's going on.  A tooth abcess killed Hugo Boss, you know, so I'm not taking chances.  Even if it's nothing major, it still fucking hurts, and it's almost time for my cleaning anyway.

Unpaid product endorsement:  I bought one of these at Target and it is awesome.  For added fun at night, I like to brush my teeth with the lights on while listening to "Trouble in Brazil" from the Max Payne 3 soundtrack and pretending I'm at a rave.  Plus my teeth look about 3 shades lighter since I started using it.

What are you doing tomorrow?

G, C, and I are going to Little Tokyo for a delicious curry lunch and shopping.  I'm hoping to find some RE6 action figures.  I want to find Chris and Piers and make them do things to each other.  And then I will photograph the sexy, sexy results.


Look to your left, what do you see?

Two framed pictures of G and me, a bottle of water, my cell phone, my current book, a box of Kleenex, and assorted work files.

What color is your watch?

I don't wear one because it gets in the way when I type/game/live my goddamn life.  I just use my phone.

What do you think of when you think of Australia?

Utterly terrifying creatures that will kill me.  Don't click on this link if you're an arachnophobe, because you will never, ever stop screaming:  seriously, don't.

Ever ridden on a roller coaster?

But of course.  In my old age, however, they have a much stronger effect on me than they used to, so I think my roller coaster days are over.

What is your birthstone?


Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?

Drive through.  Fat (typo and it stays) food places don't exactly have the most welcoming ambience.

Do you have a dog?

No, and I doubt I ever will.  I don't dislike dogs, but I'm far more of a cat person, and to be honest, dogs scare me, especially German shepherds because I got bitten by one as a kid.  I shouldn't blame all of them, especially because my grandparents had one named Suki that patiently withstood all sorts of torment at my hands, ranging from me trying to ride her to yanking on her ears.  I should note here that an adult always intervened when they noticed me doing this, but Suki still had plenty of opportunity to bite me, but she never even growled.  I was very young and didn't really think of her as a living creature, so that's my excuse. 

Anyway, I do like some dogs.  I fell in love with Spock's dog Dory when I met her last year, and I have a serious thing for French and English bulldogs.

Last person you talked to on the phone?

Some dick at work.  Pro tip:  if you're calling a business about a claim or account you have with them, please have your claim or account number handy.  If we can't find your information without it, it's not because we're stupid; IT'S BECAUSE WE'RE NOT FUCKING PSYCHIC.

Any plans today?

I'm at work until 6, but tonight G and I are going to eat some BBQ and watch Paranormal Activity 4.

Are you happy?

Overall, yeah, I am.

Where are you right now?

My cube.

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?

This goddamn tooth!

Last song listened to?

"Heroes" by David Bowie.

Last movie you saw?

Whores' Glory, which I reviewed in my last entry.  But this is a good opportunity to tell you about a serious WTF moment.  I started watching Hotel Transylvania last night, and although it didn't pass the 15-minute test, I did get to witness something of breathtaking weirdness.  There was a scene where a wolfman's cub takes a leak on the floor, and a sentient sponge---with a face, mind you---started cleaning it up. 

And making strange little moans that sounded for all the world like it was having an orgasm.

I mean, maybe it was making little moans because it was expanding with the pee and it hurt (what a strange sentence), but I swear to Christ it sounded sexual.  Who greenlit that scene?  WHY IS THERE A SENTIENT PEE LOVING SPONGE IN A KID'S MOVIE?  WHY DID I WATCH IT?

I must examine my life choices.

Are you allergic to anything?

I am, but I have no idea what it is.  Every once in a while, I'll have a horrible allergy attack and no clue what set it off.

Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?

I have a cheap pair of mary janes with skull buckles that I like quite a bit.  My standard footwear is a pair of Nike sneakers, though.

Are you jealous of anyone?

Sherry's answer is so perfect that I'm leaving it here:  "I recently learned the difference between jealousy and envy is that jealousy means you want to replace someone, envy means you want to be included. So I'm really not jealous of anyone, but I do get envious."

Okay, I'm finishing this up because I have to take a whiz and there's no sentient sponge around.