Wednesday, June 05, 2013

he doesn't mind I have a Las Vegas past

With great cunning didst I steal this from Saisei.  I should probably save it for NaNoJoMo, but I'm going to do it all in one (or two) fell swoops because I'm bored.

Day 1: write something basic about yourself

I am a 41-year-old female, generic in visage (and I'm not being self-deprecating here; you know how some grocery stores sell generic products in white packaging with blue lettering?  I'm the human equivalent, and as such, I would make a great spy), nearsighted and bespectacled. 

Day 2: 10 loves and loathes [note: I changed this from "likes and dislikes" because my feelings on the following are quite strong]

Loves: G, cats, candy, video games, movies, books, magazines, monkeys, watching Hell's Kitchen, libraries

Loathes: onions, spiders, cruelty, rudeness, my job, stupidity, when I have to take a dump when I'm already running late for work and think "maybe I should just do it once I get to work" but then I get all paranoid that I'll get in an accident on the way and shit my pants so I poop at home and then I'm late, cleaning my apartment, the birds that nest right above my assigned parking spot and pollock my car with shit, people who stare at their goddamn fucking smartphones while walking and don't look where they're going and then make YOU feel like the asshole for saying "Excuse me" because they're inconsiderate douche nozzles

Day 3: the meaning behind your Blogger name

It's the Japanese pronunciation of Silent Hill.  They used katakana for the title in Japan instead of literally translating it, so that really is how it would be pronounced.

Day 4: Your day in great detail

Today is still in progress, so I'll tell you about yesterday instead.

7:45AM  The alarm goes off, and I hit the snooze button until...

8:12AM  I finally roll my lazy ass out of bed.  I stagger to the bathroom and pee, and then I go online while I eat breakfast (a Fiber One bar, several vitamins, and a bottle of water). 

8:45AM  I get ready for work.  I'll spare you the particulars of my grooming ritual, as I assume they're the same for just about everybody.  It doesn't take me long to get ready because I wash my hair at night and my idea of makeup is Bonne Bell Dr. Pepper Lipsmackers.  Yesterday's perfume was Flight of Fancy by Anna Sui.  I wore a striped black and white shirt and jeans.

9:15AM:  Out the door!  I live 3.5 miles away from work, so my commute is pretty sweet.

9:25AM:  I get to work and park out in Buttfuck, Egypt.  My company shares an enormous building with 2 other companies, and since I work the late shift, all of the good spots are taken by the time I get there. 

9:30AM:  I get to my cube, sign in, and go to the break room to refill my water bottle and put my lunch in the fridge.  As usual, the fridge is stuffed with lunch bags, coolers, and totes, some of which are so large they'd have to be checked on an airplane.  I'm not even kidding.  Seriously, do you have to bring enough food for the whole fucking week?  Jackasses.

9:45AM-11AM:  Boring work shit, interspersed with internet time.  My favorite websites while at work:  Jezebel, Gawker, Kotaku, Cute Overload, and Oh No They Didn't. 

11AM:  I slather on sunscreen and take a brisk walk around the parking lot.  As previously mentioned, it's huge, so this isn't as lame as it sounds.  I drove it once out of curiosity, and a full walk around the parking lot is just over a mile. 

11:30AM:  On the way back to my cube, I stop by the fridge and get out my lunch.  I return to my desk and eat (PBJ and a Coke Zero) while working.

2:15PM:  Usually I take lunch at 1:15, but I leave work early for my mammogram.  I have some time before I need to get there, so I go home and shower, since you can't wear deodorant or perfume.  I have a bit of time to mess around online, and I take off at...

3:15PM:  I drive to the radiology center, check in, and read (Red Moon by Benjamin Percy) until they call my name.  I change into a supremely attractive pink smock and get my breasts smushed as flat as IHOP pancakes.  For some reason, it's much more uncomfortable than it was last year, but bearable.  (So no excuses if you're putting it off!  You know who you are.)

4:10PM:  One of my absolute favorite things to do is read a magazine in bed and then take a nap, which is precisely what I do as soon as I get home.  (Well, after reapplying my deodorant.)

5:30PM:  I get up and make ghetto risotto for dinner.  I like to pretend that I'm in Hell's Kitchen while I'm making it, and then Gordon Ramsay tastes it and says "Perfectly cooked, that ghetto risotto."  I eat while watching the season premiere of The Killing. I'm so happy to have Holder back on my TV screen! 

7PM-9PM:  I finish Red Moon and have very mixed emotions about it.  Ordinarily, I'd start up a new book right away, but I have nothing else to read.  (I will rectify this during today's lunch break.)  Then I go online for a bit and play a few rounds of Tri Peaks while listening to Lana Del Rey, whose lyrics I swiped for my entry title.  ("Off to the Races", specifically.)  Why the hell is that fucking game so addictive?

9PM:  Shower.

9:30PM:  I watch an episode of Ai no Kusabi.  The CGI is terrible!

10PM:  I read lots of deliriously slashy Hannibal fanfics.  No spoilers, but after last week's episode, I am seriously reconsidering my commitment to SparkleMotion Hannigram.  I may switch my allegiance to GrahamKatzers.

11PM:  More goddamn stupid ass Tri Peaks.

12AM:  I blow dry my hair, brush my teeth, and climb into bed.  Sweet dreams!

Day 5: Five places you want to visit and why

FRANCE:  I spent a week in Paris, but never got outside of the city.  I'd like to see more of France, specifically the countryside.  It's an unbelievably gorgeous country, and I want to see more!  I also want to make a pilgrimage to Laduree for macarons.

ITALY:  Because of the food and the scenery. 

JAPAN:  I've been there twice, but I will never get enough of that place.  I'd really like to see Hokkaido and Sapporo, and I desperately want to visit an onsen, though I'll have to cover my tattoo or they won't let me in.  I doubt they'd confuse a white American woman with a Hello Kitty tattoo for yakuza, but the stigma against tattoos in Japan runs very deep. 

HAWAII:  Because it's just so freaking gorgeous.


Coming soon:

Day 6: What band/musician is most important to you
Day 7: Do you read? What is your favorite book?
Day 8: Pet peeves
Day 9: If you could live off of one food and beverage for the rest of your days, what would they be?
Day 10: Picture your desktop
Day 11: What is your favorite quote?
Day 12: Your current relationship. If single, discuss how single life is
Day 13: Three confessions of your choice
Day 14: Things you want to say to an ex
Day 15: A photo of someone you fancy at the moment
Day 16: If the world were to end tomorrow, what would you do with your remaining time on earth?
Day 17: What do you want to be when you get older?
Day 18: Name the tv show(s) you have become addicted to
Day 19: The best thing to happen to you this week
Day 20: Your definition of love
Day 21: What kind of person attracts you
Day 22: A picture of what you wore today
Day 23: A letter to someone. Anyone.
Day 24: Would you rather date someone plain with an amazing personality or someone beautiful with a plain personality?
Day 25: Seven things that cross your mind a lot
Day 26: How you hope your future will be like
Day 27: A picture of your handwriting
Day 28: Do you wish for anything at 11:11? If so, what do you wish for
Day 29: Picture of yourself
Day 30: Anything you want to post