movin' on up

Tuesday morning found me in a rotten mood. I hadn’t slept well the night before, and I was none too thrilled to come in to work…even less so than usual, because I have to train in the mail and file department.

Yes, I am suddenly the company bicycle, free for anyone to ride, and I must go where I’m told. One of the mail and file people is going on vacation for three weeks, so they need someone to help out. I, the masterless samurai, was tapped for the position.

Gosh, you mean I get to work mornings in one shiterrific position, and then spend the afternoon in another one? Let me find a container for my joy! I wanted to complain, but I knew I needed to make a good impression on my potential bosses, and so I was as flexible as a Cirque du Soleil hooker.

So back to the tale at hand. I came in to work, logged in, and sullenly began datestamping an enormous pile of shit. The other CSA said, “Boy, you don’t seem too happy this morning.” I shrugged noncommittally, and she said, “Got a delayed case of Mondayitis?”

Oh.
Bitch.
You.
Didn’t.

Only my fear of prison, where I would inevitably wind up whoring myself out to the biggest, meanest woman for protection, kept her safe from defenestration.

Anyway, so I smiled humorlessly, my lips pulled tight as a seam, and continued stamping. I was in the middle of this glorious task when I was summoned for a meeting. I was afraid they were going to tell me I was shitcanned for my crap attitude since being yanked from the comforts of my former department, but no…they wanted to offer me a position in the department I’ve been gunning for. No interview necessary, just a nice smooth lateral move. Oh, sure, it will be the standard paper-shuffling grunt work, but it will be an enormous improvement over what I’m doing now, plus I get to keep my salary and my benefits.

Color me relieved!

Now, don’t go thinking that I want to do this shit for the rest of my life, but I’d much rather look for something better while I’m still actually employed. I’ll be honest, I’m totally lazy, and if I was unemployed for longer than a week, I wouldn’t be out pounding the pavements and filling out applications and posting my resume on Monster. No, I’d be catching matinees and sleeping till noon.

And I’m no happy-crappy corporate mouthpiece, but overall this is a very good place to work. The benefits are really good, there’s usually free food sitting around somewhere, we get to pick out a Christmas gift every year, and I have access to a breathtaking array of office supplies. I don’t make a ton of money, but I earn enough to pay my bills, with some left over for savings, candy, and porn.

So there you have it. I still have to finish up the week in this Office Spacey farce of a department, but next week I get to split my days between training for my new position and helping out in mail and file. I did mail and file this morning, and I’ll be honest…I kind of liked it. I didn’t have to think at all, and there was something so peaceful and zen about putting things in their proper place. Sure, I felt a bit like Will Hunting, walking around wondering if "Jeopardy" will call me while pushing a fucking mail cart, but whatever. This too shall pass.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to burgle the supply room.