the year in movies

I'm going to wait until mid-month to post my best movies of 2009, since there are a few I still need to see that might make the cut, but I thought it would be fun to post a few lists about my viewing material this year.

Warning: I tried to keep things as spoiler-free as possible, but sometimes I couldn't avoid them, so proceed with caution. Antichrist has the biggest spoilers, largely because it's almost impossible to talk about that movie without ruining a few things.

---

PERFORMANCES OF THE YEAR: Gabourey Sidibe and Mo'Nique in Precious; Charlotte Gainsbourg in Antichrist; Anne Hathaway in Rachel Getting Married; Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler; Jackie Earle Haley in Watchmen; Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey Deschanel in 500 Days of Summer; Sacha Baron Cohen in Bruno

BEST SCENES

• The fast food dispenser and the stinger after the credits (Idiocracy)
  
• The tiger song and anything involving Mr. Chow (The Hangover)
  
• The confrontation at the end (Precious)
  
• About 95% of Bruno, but especially the gay sex montage, cage fight, attempted seduction of Ron Paul, and Prop 8 rally (DVD only)
  
• The silent montage of Carl and Ellie's life together in Up (best scene of the year, as far as I'm concerned)
  
• The warehouse fight scene in Chocolate
  
• The Britney Spears parody in The Onion Movie
  
• The scene set to "You Make My Dreams Come True" in 500 Days of Summer
  
• The first five minutes of Antichrist
  

BEST QUOTES

(Note: some of these need to be seen in context in order to be funny)

• "A pimp's love is very different from that of a square." (Idiocracy)
  
• "I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness." (Zack and Miri Make a Porno)
  
• "Toodle-ooo, mothafuckaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!" (The Hangover)
  
• "They talk like TV shows I don't watch." (Precious)
  
• "I gave [my adopted son] a traditional African name...OJ." (Bruno)
  
• "Arseholes are for scheissing, not for schtupping!" (Bruno, DVD only)
  
• "Fuck you, Miss Daisy!" (Role Models)
  
• "This is my jerk-off station." (I Love You, Man)
  
• "And yet his chapeau remains." (Adventureland)
  
• "Did you think that was fun? Because, trust me, you won't have that much fun until you discover oral pleasure." (Away We Go)
  
• "I don't want your cat, you dirty pork queen!" (Drag Me to Hell)
  
• "Chaos...REIGNS!" (Antichrist, but only for its unintentional hilarity)
  

MOST HORRIFYING SCENES

• The mask-wearing dog in The Unborn
  
• The kitten sacrifice in the unrated version of Drag Me to Hell (the theatrical version didn't include the blood)
  
• The graphic genital mutilations, torture, entrails-eating fox, tick-covered hand, and child abuse flashback in Antichrist
  
• The confrontation/big reveal in Rachel Getting Married
  
• The scenes of rape/abuse and Mary's explanation for her behavior in Precious
  
• When it switches from animation to live action in Waltz with Bashir
  
• Aaron Eckhart's "seduction" of Jasira in Towelhead
  
• The dolphin slaughter in The Cove
  

GREAT MOVIES I NEVER WANT TO SEE AGAIN: Antichrist, Rachel Getting Married, The Wrestler, Precious, Synecdoche New York, The Cove

MOVIES I BEGAN BUT DIDN'T FINISH

• State of Play (hit with food poisoning halfway through)
  
• Quarantine (nausea caused by shaky cam)
  
• Pineapple Express (boooooooring)
  
• Sukiyaki Western Django (too weird even for me)
  

BEST OPENING CREDITS: Watchmen

STUPIDEST MOVIE I ENJOYED THE SHIT OUT OF: Crank 2

MATERIAL FOR MY SPANK BANK: Jason Statham's pecs in Transporter 3 and Crank 2; Clive Owen wearing glasses in The International and Duplicity

BEST WARDROBES: 500 Days of Summer; Watchmen

UM, DID I JUST SEE WHAT I THOUGHT I SAW?

• The graphic penetration and genital mutilations in Antichrist
  
• The "Duncan Hines" scene in Zack and Miri Make a Porno
  
• The elevator photograph in The Hangover
  
• The gay sex montage and talking penis in Bruno
  
• The brief nude shot of Eli in Let the Right One In