so I guess I'm fuckin' forty

I have a lot of things to celebrate this year: my 40th birthday, G's and my 7-year anniversary, and 10 years of living in California (again). The last two things are awesome; the first thing, not so much.

And yes, yes, I know turning 40 is "better than the alternative"! True, if the alternative is death. False, if the alternative is eternally looking and feeling like you did at your absolute best, whatever that age might have been. But that alternative exists only in vampire novels and sci-fi movies, so I have tried to make peace with getting older, though it's not easy. It sucks, actually.

When my mom turned 40, she was really depressed about it. I was 15 at the time, and remember thinking that 40 seemed really old to me, but nothing to get upset about. None of us knew at the time that she had only 11 more years to live.

I'm not happy about the gray hairs snaking their way through my brunette strands or the lacework of spider veins on my thighs or the fucked up metabolism that makes weight loss borderline impossible (and my major sweet tooth sure doesn't help). But I'm here, for however long that may be, and I want to enjoy myself while I can.

So that's why I wanted to do something special for my 40th birthday, and to celebrate all of those other milestones I mentioned. Glenn, his best friend of 30+ years/my good buddy C, and I all have our birthdays within a few days of each other, so we started kicking around the idea of doing something special this year.

And let no (wo)man doubt that my sweetie loves me, because despite Glenn's deep-seated hatred of not just Vegas in particular but traveling in general, he suggested Sin City!

Fast forward to last Friday, when C, G, and I piled into the car and headed towards the Burbank airport. We were really worried about getting caught in Carmageddon; true, we weren't taking the 405, but we thought traffic might start backing up on the 101 once the exit ramps were closed. Fortunately, that wasn't the case; I've never seen the 101S so deserted!

Our flight was deserted, as well it should have been considering it was less than an hour to get to Vegas. Once we landed, we caught a cab to the Luxor, bought frozen drinks at the daiquiri bar, and checked in. We took our luggage up to our rooms (C stayed in a separate room, of course) and then we went back down to the casino to gamble until the wee hours of the morning.

When we woke up on Saturday, we were shocked to see that it was after 10AM. Not because we'd overslept, but because it was completely pitch black in our room! Those blackout curtains were amazing. (Perhaps TOO amazing, because I think they threw off our circadian rhythms throughout the whole trip; none of us slept very well during the trip.)

We had lunch at the Sugar Factory, which was basically my dream restaurant. (Seriously, just look at this fucking menu!) I had a French dip sandwich and fries and then followed it up with this glorious monster:





(Side note: I get more compliments on that $10 Target shirt than any other item of clothing I own.)

That right there is a red velvet sundae: vanilla bean ice cream, red velvet cake chunks, raspberries, whipped cream, chocolate beads, and white chocolate shavings. Did I finish it? I did not, even with G and C helping me. I hated to leave it behind, sadly melting into a sweet gooey puddle, but even a glutton like me has her limits.

...which apparently I need to get better at realizing when I've almost reached them. While we were walking through the Forum Shops in Caesar's Palace, I noticed a food stand that had cans of Coke Zero for sale. Joy! Seriously, practically every place on the Strip only sells Pepsi products; I was convinced that if I were to walk into the Coke store next to M&M World, they'd only have Pepsi. Even the McDonald's at the Luxor had Pepsi. And don't even begin to tell me that they're the same thing. They are not the same! I hate it when I order a Coke and the server says "Is Pepsi okay?" Gee, I don't know, is Monopoly money okay?

/ colawarsrant

Anyway, so when I saw actual Coke Zero for sale, I had to buy one immediately. I also got a bottle of water for G, and my grand total was just a hair shy of ten bucks! What the fuck? I actually looked at my receipt to see if I accidentally got charged for someone else's lunch. Didn't Vegas used to be, you know, cheap?

I digress yet again.

Unfortunately, that Coke Zero was the straw that broke this camel's back. I don't know if it was the carbonation or just the fact that I dumped 12 ounces of liquid into my already sloshing belly, but I had to run to the bathroom and, in true ancient Roman fashion, vomit. At least, thanks to the red velvet cake, it was pretty! (And at least I KNEW why it was red, otherwise I would have thought I was bleeding internally and would have passed out on the floor.) Thankfully, I felt much better afterwards, and we continued along our merry way. We returned to the Luxor and napped, and at around 7PM, I headed downstairs to meet with my friend Spock.

A primer for those of you who may not know who that is: Spock is my longest lasting friend, and one of my dearest. We've known each other since junior high, when we bonded over a poem about a caterpillar that made us crack up because it sounded so obscene. We even went to senior prom together, and I was madly in love with him. Turns out that he's gay, but although that put the kibosh on my "OMG marriage and supersmart bebehs" dreams, it certainly didn't affect our friendship any. He lives in Las Vegas now, so when I knew that we were going there for our birthday weekend, we made plans to get together.

Anyway, we were supposed to meet up in front of the Tender steakhouse, where we'd all be having dinner. When I got down there, I saw him at a slot machine next to the restaurant, smoking up a storm. I was annoyed, since he’d quit the last time I saw him, so I went over, grabbed his shoulders, and said “I thought you quit!”

And then a TOTAL STRANGER turned around and said, incredulously, “Quit?!?”

I was mortified! I apologized profusely and told him that I was supposed to be meeting a friend that I hadn’t seen in almost 3 years, and then I slunk away and sat in front of the restaurant to wait. After a couple of minutes, I saw Spock walking towards me, but I waited until he said my name before hugging him! I told him the story and he got a good laugh out of it. We had drinks and talked in the bar, and at 7:30, G and C joined us for dinner. I had a wagyu steak that practically melted in my mouth, as well it should have considering it was, you know, $75.

After dinner, I sadly said goodbye to Spock, and then we headed upstairs for the titties portion of our evening: the Fantasy revue. (Note: no nudity on that page, but the ladies aren't wearing a whole lot either.) Aside from a rather hot bondage number set to "Black Velvet" that made me forget I was straight for five minutes, there wasn't much to arouse me, but I still had a terrific time because of MC/amazing singer Lorena Peril and comedian Sean E. Cooper. We finished off our evening with lots of gambling and then it was off to bed.

(To be continued; sudden shitstorm at work that needs tending to)