Wednesday, September 28, 2011

don't let's start

I'm bored, so here's a survey!

Z - Zodiac sign: Cancer...and a perfect specimen of the breed.

Y - Yummy food: Old-fashioned sugar cream pie. I had it again for the first time in 17 years earlier this month, courtesy of my brother, and it was just as delicious as I remembered. I seriously almost cried! It's probably a good thing I don't have easy access to it---for some reason it's only available in Indiana, and repeated attempts by friends and family to recreate the recipe for me, though tasty, haven't come close---because the effects on my health and weight would be seriously deletorious.

X - X-rays you've had: Teeth and ankle.

W - Wearing: Black shirt, jeans, sneakers, the usual undergarments, L'Artisan Tea for Two perfume, and a silver ring.

V - Video game: Currently I'm playing Alice: Madness Returns, which makes up for mediocre platforming and action with absolutely masterful level design. One of the most beautifully designed games I've ever played.

U - Unknown fact about me: Despite my sweet tooth, I don't like fudge.

T - Time you wake up: On weekdays, I set my alarm for 8AM and usually hit the snooze button at least twice. On weekends, G and I get up whenever the hell we want. It usually winds up being around 10AM, but sometimes it's earlier (if there's a game on) or later (if we stayed up until 3 or 4AM playing video games).

S - Song you last heard: As you might have deduced from my entry title, "Don't Let's Start" by They Might Be Giants.

R - Reason to smile: G.

Q - Quote you like: "When life hands you melons, you might be dyslexic." (Joan Rivers)

P - Phobia[s]: Clowns, because their cheerful painted faces hide a soul of menace. Spiders, potato bugs, centipedes, and cockroaches. Dying naked and having the paramedics laugh at my body. Having my nude, dead body violated by a mortician that looks like Crispin Glover. (Not that I would want even a hot mortician---is there such a thing?---doing that, but when I lay awake at night and think of scary, evil things like that, I always imagine the perpetrator as looking like Crispin Glover, which I'm sure would thrill him no end.) Dying in circumstances that would be humorous to others (like the guy in the early 90's who was killed when a pig fell from the sky---they were shooting a commercial with the tag line "when pigs fly" and had hoisted an enormous pig into a harness and dangled it from a helicopter, only to have the harness break and send the pig spiraling downwards---and wound up being a running joke on Letterman for at least two weeks). Sleeping under hotel comforters.

O - One time on accident: I walked into the men's locker room at the gym. I had been swimming, so of course I wasn't wearing my glasses and didn't notice that I pushed open the wrong door. At least that's what I told the cops.

N - Number of siblings: As far as I know, just my brother, but my dad was a big ol' playa when he was younger, so there may be a few related Amerasians running around Taiwan that I don't know about.

M - Mom's name: Whatsittoyouise.

L - Love to watch this movie over and over again: Hedwig and the Angry Inch and Kick-Ass

K - Kindergarten reminds you of: cutting out paper dolls with safety scissors and having them come out looking more like a prop from a Tim Burton film.

J - Job title: All-purpose office monkey.

I - Instruments: Uh huh huh..."instruments".

H - Home town: I am a child of the universe. (::vomits rainbows::)

G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: Neither. I like gummy octopi because it's funny to clamp them between your teeth with the tentacles hanging out and ask someone, "Do I have something stuck in my teeth?"

F - Favorite song of the moment: "Heavenly Star" by Genki Rockets

E - Easiest person to talk to: G

D - Dad's name: Whydoyoucareyokie.

C - Career in future: My Magic 8-Ball says "All-purpose office monkey." Thanks, you big black ball of doom. I'll be bowling you down the stormdrain now.

B - Band listening to right now: The marching band in my head playing "Louie Louie". Oh no...they gotta go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

A - Age: 40.


1. Started watching a new show called A Gifted Man and didn't even make it to the first commercial break. So far the only "keeper" new show I've seen is The New Girl, though I reserve the right to quit if Zooey Deschanel's twee gets to be too cloying.
2. Didn't clean the kitchen like I meant to.
3. Started reading The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern.


1. Was actually on time to work.
2. Ordered the Alice: Madness Returns artbook from Amazon.
3. Have a desperately needed massage after work.


1. Coke Zero
2. Q-tips (generic ones absolutely will not do)
3. Smuckers Uncrustables


1. "Out of Time" by REM
2. The soundtrack to Hedwig and the Angry Inch
3. "Flood" by They Might Be Giants

1. Kyoto
2. Paris
3. Tuscany


1. Swear
2. Pee
3. Make my bed