innocent as Stalin's cupcake

Underneath my cheerfully dorky exterior, I hide a disturbing core of darkness; think biting into a chocolate truffle and finding a center of snot.

To wit:

Today I found out that Bimborella--- my former coworker and one of the few people I genuinely hate---just had a baby.

What was my first thought, do you think?

“How wonderful! Even though we’ve had our differences in the past, I’m happy for her. Perhaps the magic of motherhood will transform her foul personality into one more loving and kind.”

“Wow, that’s fantastic! I should send her a card.”

“Super! I wonder if it was a boy or a girl?”

Nay, none of the above. It was:

“Oh man, so Bimborella had a baby, eh? Man, I hope those tits she spent so much money on sag like tangerines in a tube sock.”

Evil wears a dimpled grin.