anthropomorphism

I'm really, really bored, and I still have about 17 hours until I can see my NS, so I conducted a highly unscientific experiment to determine what my iTunes would be like if it were a human. I put it on shuffle and jotted down the first 50 songs it played, to wit:

1. "All She Wants Is" by Duran Duran
2. "Sexual Healing" by Soul Asylum
3. "Praise You" by Fatboy Slim
4. "Teenage Lust (Pimpin' Ain't Easy Mix)" by Jesus & Mary Chain
5. "Ivies Domain" from Resident Evil
6. "Be My Yoko Ono" by Barenaked Ladies
7. "The Second Floor" from Resident Evil 2
8. "Waitress" by Live
9. "Never Can Say Goodbye" by The Communards
10. "The Wrong Way" by Sublime
11. "The Beautiful People" by Marilyn Manson
12. "Waltz" by Suneohair
13. "Common People" by Pulp
14. "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor
15. "c30, C60, C90, Go" by Bow Wow Wow
16. "Everybody Shake It Buddy" by KIX-S
17. "Two of Hearts" by Brad Walsh
18. "We Both Reached for the Gun" from the Chicago soundtrack
19. "Smiling" by Kitchens of Distinction
20. "You Are My World" by Jimmy Somerville
21. "Bit Part" by The Lemonheads
22. "James Bondage" by Pansy Division
23. "The Impression That I Get" by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones
24. "Planet Tokyo" by Puffy AmiYumi
25. "Frenzy" by Screamin' Jay Hawkins
26. "New Age Girl" by Deadeye Dick
27. "Feel Good Inc." by Gorillaz
28. "Luck" by The Owls
29. "Fame" by Irene Cara
30. "Doowutchalike" by Digital Underground
31. "St. Teresa" by Joan Osborne
32. "Lovely Merry-Go-Round" by Pipo Angels
33. "It Might Not Be Reachable Anymore" from Bronze
34. "...and the Angels Weep" from Silent Hill 3
35. "The Only One I Could Stand" by The Waterlillies
36. "Jack U Off" by Pansy Division
37. "Mindcontroller" by 80 Aum
38. "Dancing Queen" by ABBA
39. "Get A Grip on Yourself" by The Stranglers
40. "The Rain, the Park, and Other Things" by The Cowsills
41. "Anniversary Song" by Cowboy Junkies
42. "Ca Plane Pour Moi" by Plastic Bertrand
43. "Dancin'" from Xanadu
44. "Horror Business" by The Misfits
45. "Turning Japanese" by The Vapors
46. "T'en Va Pas" by Elsa
47. "At My Most Beautiful" by REM
48. "Xanadu" by Olivia Newton-John
49. "A Dame With A Rod" by Juliana Hatfield

::pause::

Rod...uh huh huh huh huh...uh huh huh huh huh...

Er, sorry.

50. "We Were Lovers" by Jean-Jacques Burnel

Examining the evidence, it is my conclusion that my iTunes, if it were a human being, would be a French-Canadian gay male in his early twenties who lives in his parents' basement and, when he's not working behind the counter of an independent music store/cafe/comic book store, he plays video games, watches anime, and masturbates. His biggest dream is to move to New York City, just so he can get Chinese food at 3AM. He has a secret crush on Daniel Clowes and thinks Diana Ross is one fierce bitch.