Friday, March 09, 2007

give me your hot white what now?

On weekdays, I refer to 4:30PM as the "golden hour". True, I don't actually get off until 6PM, but the vast majority of my coworkers get off at or before 4:30PM, and my only other late shift coworker's cubicle is several aisles away from me.

Slack time, bitches!

I did a quick prairie dog over the top of my cube to ensure that no management or Mean Grandmas were around to spoil my fun, and I sighed happily when I realized I was completely alone. I'd cleared out my workload for the day, and the only other work-related thing I could do was a big stack of "sign and sends". But I wasn't in the mood for getting papercuts, and they're basically the chief responsibility of someone I don't particularly like, so hey, no thanks.

I put a mix CD into my disk drive, propped my feet up, and reached into my desk drawer for a magazine and a bag of Cadbury Mini-Eggs. Munching happily, I flipped through the pages and thought, Now this is the life, man. True, I'm not exactly raking it in, but there's something to be said for getting paid to eat chocolate and read.

Eventually, nature called, and I got up and went to the bathroom. When I returned, one of the claim reps was standing at the cubicle in front of me, looking for something in the temp's outbox.

"Hey, how's it going?" he said.

"Doing all right," I said, hoping that he hadn't noticed the trashy magazine sitting on top of my desk. I sat down, surreptitiously whisked it under a pile of manila envelopes, and pretended to be engrossed by an article on the Cube Farm's webpage.

"Hey, this is a really catchy song," Claim Rep said. "Who is this?"

With horror, I realized what was playing:

You're my secret beauty routine
La la la la, what my body has seen...

I immediately ejected the disk. "It's, uh, Liz Phair."

"Aw, why'd you stop it?"

Because she was about to sing "Give me your hot white cum", and I kind of need this job.

"Got a bit of a headache starting," I lied.

That's it. From now on, only J-pop at work.