the next thing on my list.

Last year, I posted a list of ten things I want to do before I shuffle off this mortal coil. Well, I figured it was time for some updating. I’ve added 15 items, done some minor editing, and crossed off the one thing I’ve done since then. I want to revisit this list every year to see my progress.

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1. I want to recreate the trip that Miles and Jack take in Sideways, from the wine tastings to a stay at the Windmill Inn. I’ll skip the golf, since I’d rather watch paint dry, and I’d prefer that no enraged truckers press their meat and veg against my car window.

2. I want to stay at an authentic Japanese love hotel, where they have bizarre theme rooms and vibrators in the mini-bars. Failing that, I want to stay at the Madonna Inn, the unbelievably cheesy theme hotel in San Luis Obispo.

3. I really, really want to touch a monkey. Done!

4. I want to go to Costa Rica and hold a three-toed sloth.

5. Climb Mt. Fuji. Yeah, I know, I’m not the most physically active person, but come on, old people do it!

6. Originally, I said that I wanted to stay at every major hotel on the Las Vegas Strip, but considering that they’re constantly building new ones, and that I only get to Vegas every couple of years, this might be impossible. I’m changing this one to “stay at 10 major hotels on the Las Vegas Strip”. I’ve stayed at Circus Circus, Caesar’s Palace, Treasure Island, and the Flamingo, so I've got six to go. (Or, if I take some liberties with Las Vegas geography and count the Rio, five. )

7. Eat a genuine kobe steak. I’ve had kobe beef before, but only tiny strips in an appetizer. I want an actual slab of beef, goddammit.

8. Go to Ten Thousand Waves, a Japanese-styled hot springs resort in New Mexico. They have a Sailor Moon room, for god's sake! Or, for the more budget-minded, you can stay in a pimped-out Airstream trailer. Whatever it takes, man, I am so there. I'll be passing on the nightingale droppings facial, though. (Nope, not kidding.)

9. Attend a New York Giants game with G. True, I’m not a big football fan, but the pleasure in it for me is watching how excited G gets during Giants games.

10. I want to have old-fashioned sugar cream pie again. Whenever I’m in Indiana---which isn’t often---I always have to have this incredible treat, and you would not believe the noises that emanate from me as I shovel forkful after forkful (seriously, I’ve been known to polish off a whole pie by myself) into my mouth; I sound like I’m having the orgasm of my life. And frankly, yes, this pie is so damn good that it will make you believe in God.

11. I want to forgive my grandmother. And not just say I forgive her, but actually mean it.

12. Nancy Reagan would be horrified, but I want to smoke some excellent weed. I’ve only tried pot twice, and both times it was really subpar stuff. (Not that I would have known, but the more experienced people I was with at the time said it was bad, so I’ll defer to their authority.) I don’t need to make a habit out of pot smoking; I just want to know what a really good buzz feels like. And if I can follow this item with #10, oh my god.

13. I want to treat the people I love most in the world to something extravagant that they’d never buy for themselves.

14. I want to go to Graceland, lay some flowers on Elvis’ grave on behalf of my mom, and have a Fool’s Gold sandwich. It was one of Elvis’ favorites: a loaf of French bread hollowed out and filled with peanut butter and a pound of bacon. (I’m assuming the restaurants around there serve a more, shall we say, conservative portion.)

15. I want to go skydiving. True, I’d be scared utterly shitless, but I figure if I can willingly throw myself out of a moving plane, I can do just about anything.

16. I want to go someplace tropical and do nothing but laze on the beach, read, and drink frosty cocktails.

17. I want to go to Medieval Times to watch the jousting and eat a big greasy turkey drumstick with my bare hands. I don’t care if it’s corny as hell!

18. I want to see Kevin the motherfuckin’ Thai Elvis.

19. I want to give Ron Jeremy a hug.

20. G, please see me regarding this item.

21. I want to go to Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park.

22. G, please see me regarding this item.

23. I want to see Xanadu on Broadway.

24. I want to take something up---a martial art, bellydancing, watercolors, learning a foreign language---and actually stick with it long enough to be good at it.

25. I want to forgive myself for not being a better daughter to my mom.