Wednesday, November 02, 2011

what is this fuckery?

I was considering doing NaNoJoMo, but I'm never online on Saturdays, which would make it difficult to write every day. Plus I'm not big on commitment---well, as far as those things go. I've been with G for 7 years and I have a tattoo, so obviously commitment is not a foreign concept to me. But I'll try to write more often than usual at least.

Today, inspired by an e-mail that I'll get to shortly, I shall talk about the receptionist, L. She's very sweet but unbelievably stupid. There have been times when I've listened to her talk about something and it was actually physically painful.

I have another coworker, MP, who is obsessed with feeding people despite the fact that she's not Jewish. (And I say this with all the love in my heart; any religion or culture where they insist that you EAT ALL THE FOODS is aces by me.) She goes out for lunch every single day and asks everybody if they want her to pick something up for them as well. I'm sure they love her at Carl's Jr because she pays for everything separately rather than hash it out later.

Anyway! Occasionally MP will get in a breakfasty kind of mood and order from a local cafe that delivers, and today was one of those days. L decided to get something as well, and she felt compelled to send this e-mail to everybody in our fucking department.

Ready for this? I swear on all I deem holy this is verbatim.

SUBJECT LINE: Mmmm...bacon and egg sandwich!

So yummy!! Sorry girls, not giving up my food.


I apologize for shouting, but...


Seriously, she felt it was absolutely necessary to tell everybody A) how delicious her breakfast was and B) that she wasn't going to share? I do not give two nutty turds, L! I don't care that your breakfast is yummy, and I don't care about the "cute babbies" (sic) that were in the lobby, and I don't know where you can buy pretzel rods. Hey, here's a hint! A grocery store! TRY THERE.

What makes this even worse is that my current duties involve reading and responding to all customer and agent e-mails IN ALL OF CALIFORNIA. California is a big motherfucking state! I get a lot of motherfucking e-mails! And I do not have TIME to read about YOUR FUCKING SANDWICH, L.

In short:

...or any day ever.