Thursday, August 09, 2012

dressing up when the world is Levi Strauss

Stolen from [james ensor] with much gratitude as I am bored as fuck right now.

1.) Your current favorite inspirational quote.

"Courage is just fear that said fuck it." (Hollis Gillespie)

Oh, and the funniest quote I read today is from a Michael Phelps/Aaron Piersol slashfic: "Michael pops a boner and simultaneously makes Donkey Kong jump off a cliff." I fucking DIED. More choice excerpts here.

2.) Your favorite kind of biscuit, cookie or cake.

Biscuit: those cheddar ones at Red Lobster. I haven't eaten at a Red Lobster in probably a decade, but goddamn those biscuits are something else.

Cookie: Le Petit Ecolier. They're shortbread with a thick slab of hazelnut studded chocolate on the top, embossed with the titular schoolboy. They're spendy but oh so worth it.

Cake: Red velvet cake, or if I'm at California Pizza Kitchen, warm butter cake, which is just as awesome as it sounds.

3.) Something fun you're going to do on your next day off.

G, our friend M, and I are going to the fair on Sunday. I really want to get a caricature drawn of the two of us together, because I'm corny as fuck. Oh, and I want to pet a baby goat, ride on the ferris wheel, and eat ALL THE FOODZ. The hip thing at county fairs this year is deep fried cereal, so if I can find that, I'll be a happy girl.

4.) Post a URL of your favorite pic on any site, be it or

It's not a picture, but it's a video of a cat escaping a dog in an incredibly clever way so your argument is invalid.

5.) If you could have any pet, what would it be and what would it be called?

A British shorthair cat named Oscar, after Oscar Wilde. Initially I thought about getting two male Brits and naming the other one Bosie, after Oscar Wilde's beloved Lord Alfred Douglas, who was nicknamed Bosie. Then a little googling led to the discovery that Douglas was a raging antisemite and not all that nice to Wilde, so he doesn't deserve to have a gorgeous cat named after him. Should I ever be lucky enough to own cats again, I'll think of something.

Oh, and I also think it would be awesome to have cats named Momo and Appa, after the flying lemur and flying bison in Avatar: The Last Airbender. (The CARTOON, not the back alley abortion of a movie.)

6.) A song that never fails to cheer you up.

"Your Affection" from Persona 4 or "Love Today" by Mika. They make me want to fart rainbows.

7.) What would be your choice of ingredients in the best ice cream sundae ever?

Sea salt caramel gelato topped off with hot caramel sauce and big thick mounds of whipped cream, and then crumbled up pieces of sea salt caramel macarons from that store in Little Tokyo. I'm drooling like Pavlov's dog just typing this.

8.) Describe your perfect hideaway.

See the next question.

9.) If you lived in an enchanted forest, what or who would be there?

Unicorns, sky bisons, flying lemurs, emperor tamarins, New Guinea birds of paradise, a magic portal from which I could conjure anything in the world that I wanted, a riotous flower garden, a gently babbling brook, and a lovely book-stuffed cottage that I would share with G and a slew of cats.

10.) What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Nothing yet. I can't even claim that I got my exercise because I didn't walk on my lunch hour or during my afternoon break. (In my defense, though, it got up to 100 degrees this afternoon, I'll make up for it tonight with some Wii Fit. Oh, and I don't know if this counts, but I'm going to make a "real" dinner for myself as opposed to frozen or canned crap. I'll be making something I call ghetto risotto. It's FABULOUS. It's one of only three things I can cook, the other two being Bailey's french toast and omelets.

11.) When did you last sing without embarrassment?

I sang along to Mika on the drive to work.

12.) What songs or albums were you really into, then not into for a while, and then recently got into again?

Nothing springs to mind.

13.) Describe your stupidest injury.

When I was in high school, I was trying on a dress at home and wanted to see how it looked in the back. We didn't have a full length mirror, so I went in the bathroom and stood on top of the hamper. Pleased by how I looked, I began striking poses and fell off the hamper and twisted the fuck out of my ankle. To add injury to injury, my crutches weren't adjusted properly so I threw out my back to boot. I looked like Quasimodo.

14.) What's the best title you've come up with for your autobiography?

Angst in My Pants, but I stole it from Sparks.

15.) Describe your coolest or most random celebrity encounter.

I just had two last weekend! Padre was selected by HBO to appear in a documentary series, so he flew out to do an interview with the production company. G and I took him to the studio in Beverly Hills, and afterwards we went to Kate Mantilini's for dinner. We had just sat down and G leaned over and whispered, "Lisa Kudrow is sitting right behind you." I did that oh so subtle "naw, I ain't staring at you, I'm just scratching my chin with my shoulder" move, and sure enough, it was her, sitting with about five other people. It was really hard not to keep turning around and looking at her every few minutes, like "OMG you were Phoebe!", but she was just trying to enjoy dinner with her family/friends and I didn't want to be rude. She has a pretty unmistakable voice, though, so I caught quite a bit of her conversation. Nothing scandalous, though; she kept talking about the SATs. According to IMDB, she has an 18-year-old son, so that's probably why.

And then, as we were waiting for the check, Mel Brooks walked in.

My most random celebrity encounter was running into Phil Margera (the object of many a Jackass prank) at Bristol Farms. I freaked the fuck out over him and he couldn't have been nicer about it.

16.) Name five things you are unironically enthusiastic about.

80's music, old school video games (Donkey Kong, Burger Time, Ms. Pac-Man, etc.), pinball, bowling (though I suck at it), and martial arts movies with awful scripts and piping hot beatdowns.

17.) "Tonight we'll play some music and have fun." That's a lyric from one of my favorite hop-around party songs. If you were going to play some music and have fun, what music would you play and what would you do?

I have a playlist on my iTunes titled "Happy Smile Hello!" that I listen to when I need an energy or mood boost. It contains everything from gloriously cheesy 80's hits to perky Japanese pop idols. I like to play it loud and groove around my apartment.

18.) Has Girls Gone Wild forever ruined the sound of steel drums for you?

No, but it's ruined my faith in the human race.

19.) Who is your favorite least likely savior of the world/universe from TV, film, comic books, or fiction?

Dave Lizewski from Kick-Ass. He's just a nerdy teenager who thinks "Hey, why couldn't I be a superhero?" and goes out and does just that.

(And yes, I know that he's technically not a superhero because he doesn't have any actual powers. Semantics, semantics.)

20.) If you could embed a secret message in a crop circle, what would it be?