media update: August

I'm posting this early because the next few days are going to be super busy.  I'm currently writing this from my stateroom on the Zuiderdam.  We're disembarking in Quebec soon, and my brother and I are going to wander around on our own (my dad and stepmother are doing an excursion).  Tonight we have several activities on tap, and then tomorrow and Sunday are travel days.  I've had a lot of fun on this trip (aside from one really boring excursion and some injuries/messes caused by my clumsiness) but I'm ready to go home.  I miss G and Momo!

I am by NO means a cruise expert, but this is my second cruise and I have some tips.  I can't guarantee any of these tips for cruise lines other than Holland America though!

- Cruises for some reason tend to skew a little dressy so you definitely want to make sure you have some nicer clothes with you; think business casual or at least decent jeans.  I mean, nobody's made me feel bad for walking around in Banana Fish and Hello Kitty shirts, but I do feel like I'm sticking out a bit.  I have dressed up a couple of times but I'm not fricking wearing a dress to play movie trivia.

- If you want to cut down on the clothes you're bringing, they have a couple of laundry specials.  One is "as much shit as you can cram into this laundry bag" for $25, and the other is "as much laundry as you want for your entire cruise for $75".  I didn't use either one (though I probably should have since I had to wash two shirts in the sink due to spilling soda/OJ on myself) but if you were on a longer cruise or with other people I could absolutely see the $75 package being worth it so you could pack much less. 

- Make sure you have toiletries for your entire trip and then double that amount.  I ran out of a few things and sure hope I run into a drugstore while walking around today! There's a store onboard that has a few things but a regular size Milky Way bar costs $8 so...yeah, you can imagine how much Q-tips cost.  (Who the hell is buying candy on a cruise ship?  There's dessert at every meal!) They do have shampoo, conditioner, soap, and lotion in the bathroom and it's decent quality BUT it's also got a very strong, somewhat masculine fragrance that personally ain't my bag.

- If your hair takes even the tiniest bit of moisture in the air as a signal to go full Roseanne Roseannadanna, bring a smoothing serum!

- There are some additional packages you can get and take a look because WOW did that improve my trip.  (Thank you, Dad!) We got the signature package upgrade which includes drinks (up to 15 a day, alcohol included; if the cost of the drink goes over what your package allows---$11 in our case---you just pay the difference) and internet (no streaming without an upgrade but I haven't been watching anything anyway).  You only get water, iced tea, juice, and coffee for "free" otherwise and I think the internet is $30/day without a package.  It's working pretty well, too!  It's honestly better than what I had in California.

- They have a fantastic library onboard!  Not only do they have a big selection, but it's recent titles too, and several copies of everything.  They also have a book exchange.

- On Holland America, the vast majority of employees are Indonesian.  I learned a few basic polite phrases from Google Translate and it's been a hit!  For all I know, they're thinking "This bitch watched Eat Pray Love once and thinks she's Julia Roberts" but they seem to appreciate it.  My steward even brought me a one night only theme dessert when I told him I was too late to the buffet.

Anyway, I really enjoy the cruise experience!  Yes, it's mostly older people but there's something for everyone to do and if all else fails, nothing wrong with sitting on the deck with a drink and a book.

Okay, on to it!  Asterisks denote something I particularly enjoyed or found especially worthy of my time; double asterisks are reserved for the creme de la creme.  As always, your mileage may vary.

FICTION

1. Hera by Jennifer Saint:  An entertaining retelling of the story of Hera, the Greek goddess who ruled Mount Olympus with her brother/husband (ew) Zeus.

2. Hum by Helen Phillips:  May undergoes an experimental procedure to make her face look unrecognizable to AI and uses the money to treat her family to three nights at the botanical garden, one of the few respites in a polluted world.  Things go south rather quickly.

2024 TOTAL SO FAR:  26

NONFICTION

1. Wanted: Toddler's Personal Assistant by Stephanie Kiser:  The author details her experiences working as a nanny for the 1%.  Interesting, although she's prone to making "no shit, Sherlock" statements like "I was beginning to see that money can't buy happiness" or "I began to think some people weren't meant to have kids".

2. Men Have Called Her Crazy by Anna Marie Tendler:  A memoir about the author's stay in a mental health facility.

2024 TOTAL SO FAR:  12

MANGA/GRAPHIC NOVELS

1. Cat + Gamer* by Wataru Nadatani

2. Houses of the Unholy by Ed Brubaker and Sean Phillips

3. The Way of the Househusband vol. 12 by Kousuke Oono

2024 TOTAL SO FAR:  20 volumes of manga and 4 graphic novels

MOVIES

1. Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes:  Many years after Caesar's rule, a young ape goes on a journey to track down his kidnapped clan.

2. Anatomy of a Fall:  After her husband falls out of a window and dies, a woman is suspected of murdering him.  I had some issues with the ending, but they're too spoilery to discuss here.

3. Rebel Moon: Part One (director's cut):  Do you want to watch a wish.com space opera that features graphic violence and full frontal nudity?  Would you like it to be 3.5 butt-numbing hours?  Enjoy!

4. Rebel Moon: Part Two (director's cut):  Well, it was certainly better than the first one, although we didn't need ten minutes of rip roarin' grain harvesting action.

5. Furiosa:  The backstory of badass Furiosa from Mad Max: Fury Road, played here by Anya Taylor-Joy.  

6. Jackpot!:  In the future, people who win the California lottery can get billions, but there's a catch: if someone kills you before sundown, the prize is now legally theirs.  After Katie Kim (Awkwafina) wins, she goes on the run to escape the bloodthirsty mob with the help of a man (John Cena) who's devoted his life to helping lottery winners survive.  

7. The Fall Guy*:  A retired stuntman (Ryan Gosling) finds himself searching for the missing movie star he used to double for, leading to a whole lot of trouble.  Funny and enjoyable, with lots of great stunts.  

8. I Saw the TV Glow:  Two teenagers become obsessed with a weird late night TV show that warps their view of reality.  I liked the first half much better than the second, but it's a strangely haunting and visually interesting movie.  

Side note #1: I watched this on a flight with subtitles (I was at the back of the plane and it was loud!) and the guy next to me started watching my screen instead of his own.  I was like...dude, it's available to you too.  You don't HAVE to watch Trolls: Band Together.

Side note #2:  I guess they don't censor movies on planes anymore!  I was watching a Russell Crowe movie and had to quickly shut it off when a guy started banging a woman and she was yelling "Choke me!" (I refer you back to the subtitles comment above.) There was a little kid sitting behind me and, uh...no.

Side note #3:  If you'll permit me an "old man yells at cloud" moment: you young'uns with your damn personal airplane screens.  In my day we had like two tiny screens for the whole plane and if you didn't want to watch Grandpa Jim's Wacky Oopsie, tough shit!  Read the stained and wrinkled in-flight magazine or just sleep!  No entertainment for you, asshole!  

2024 TOTAL SO FAR:  61